*sigh* things I realize during a breakup

yeah i know... been a while... so let's go ahead and get to it...

breakup's suck... like how you really want chik-fil-a and you drive 20 minutes... and then you realize it's sunday suck... and here's some of the things that i come to realize when it's all said and done...

1. i loose 15lbs...
2. i like vanilla cupcakes more than chocolate...
3. i have the best bed in the world... it feel like it's hugging me when i'm in it...
4. taking showers makes me feel better...
5. i'll check my phone to see if you called or sent a text... even though i know ur not going to...
6. i tend to work more...
7. i tend to bake more...
8. i do a lot more arts and crafts...
9. i'll buy ur soap... or at least the kind that smells like you... cause it makes me feel like ur still around...
10.  i have to re-learn how to do everything without you in my life...

breakups suck... major butt...

i believe you...

yep... another depressing blog... but that's life... the sweet is never as sweet... without the bitter... let's get to it...

i think the best song to describe my life is one by the fine brother Common... Go...



i wish shit was as easy as this video... it sucks when you actually realize what's in someone heart... what they have the potential to do to you when you're not around... as much as i don't want to believe he could cheat... he could throw away everything just like that... i do...

the shit that use to seem so sincere... isn't... the things that use to be so natural seem forced... and it bites... bites big donkey balls...

i don't think i've made it through a week without crying in months...

when someone shows you who they are... you should believe them the first time... and ever though it's taken more than one time... i believe you...

Nola*

*something i wrote in a card... for Ny...*

hey you,

i literally stood in Hallmark store for like an hour trying to find the perfect card for you... and as i read through one after the other i thought to myself... the only person that can tell him how i feel about him is me...

so... here goes... i love the way our laughter sounds together... i love the way you always reach for my hand... i love the way you look when you sleep... i love the way you always make he happy when i'm upset, even when it's you i'm upset with... i love the way you smell... i love the way you smile... i love the way we make the perfect heart with our hands... i love the way you say "i love you Tiffany..." i love the way you make scrambled eggs... i love the way you brush ur "babes" lol... i love the way you kiss my cheek... i love the way you sing along to music on the radio... i love the way you dance when we have our breakdown session in the car... i love that i can always seem to make you smile... i love the way you always to stuff "just because"... but most of all... i love the way that you love me...

Tiffany*

Preferance vs. Discrimination...

so... i had an interesting discussion with a co- worker the other day... she stated that her son doesn't like black woman... the reason being because they're loud... they never have their hair done... and a bunch of other bull... sadly... i have heard this SO many times from people about why black men don't like black women...

in my opinion *sidebar* this is simply how i fee about it... not saying it's right... *end sidebar* most times if you are a black male... that means ur mother is/was black... so for you to say that you don't like black women is disrespectful to the person that carried ur sorry @$$... and obviously you have a problem with you identity as a black man...

now there's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone outside of ur race... i personally prefer to date black men... i love black men... that's my preference... but i see nothing wrong with dating a man of another race... love is love... no matter what sex or race it comes from...

so in closing... black men that openly state that they don't like black women for whatever reason... f@ck you...

tis all...

Nola*

organized randoms... (tellum how u feel tuesday)

on being in love with one person:

• it's complicated as hell... i didn't have to worry about all these weird feeling when i was single...
• i find myself randomly bringing him up in conversations... missing him when he's only been gone from my presence less than 5 minutes... and writing his name over and over again in meetings...
• how the hell is he able to make me upset over stupid shit... one time... i said that PG girls are the prettiest girl in the metro area... he said NOVA girls were... I cursed him out... cried... and had an attitude for 3 days...
• i love having only one man in my life... cause i don't have to lie... or try to figure out who gave me an STD...

on annoying ass co-workers:

• Don... this man smacks food... tries to hold conversations with me when he CLEARLY SEES me eating... and tries to take credit for everything that is done in the world... he once said that he met President Obama and inspired him to run for office... really... i'm not lying...
• Cynthia... this mustache wearing bitch gets on my last damn nerves... this chick constantly looks at everything i wear to work... and then criticises it... bitch... worry more about getting the lip waxed and less about my Pandora Charm bracelet/necklace...
• Trash guy... I don't know u... stop acting like you know me... trying to carry on meaningless conversation is dumb... you're only going to be talking to the back of my head... empty my trash and keep it moving...
• mail guy... refer to trash guy... give me my mail... and keep it moving...
• fat old bitter bitches in my building... i cannot help it that you're office crush has the hots for me... i'm 26... this is my "hey day" yours has passed... get over it...
• guards... please stop randomly stopping my car cause you want to see my legs... it was cute the first 20 times you did it... not it's just making me late for work...

on my parents:

• dad... stop getting mad because i've become just like you... we're assholes... and it take a certain type of person to put up with us...
• mom... thanks for being the certain type of person that puts up with us...
  

on friends:

• Yani and i don't talk as much as we use to... but we're always gonna be best friends... we're at different places in our lives... she's a mom... i'm not... even though it's a small change... it's impacted our relationship... but there nothing that i wouldn't do for her... and vice versa...
• Dee Dee... i would have never thought we would be this close... you're amazing... don't change...
• PJezzy... you're my ATL shorty... and no matter how far you go i'll always be you pretty girl county buddy... stop boning strippers... that's how you get worms...
• Tweezy... ur my messy little hoe face... stop boning girls you pick up at the club... that's how you get herpes... and worms... and their boyfriend who gave them both knocking at ur door at 3:30am... (true story... I was on the phone with him when it happened...)
• Rob... i love u sooo... i'm gonna have to send you a bill because if it wasn't for you i would have drove NyJuan crazy... either that or killed him... lol... i'll fly to Florida anytime and check a bitch for you..

on my blog:

• i blog when i want... and i wanted to blog today... hope you enjoyeddddddddddddddd... lol

Nola*

3 things... (tellum how u feel tuesday)

(posted this one facebook...) Since I have a blog (holla at me for the url... lol) I rarely write notes on facebook anymore... but I've decided to post this one to the book as an ode to one of the favorite bloggers... Don... aka...Minus the bars... enjoyssssssssssssssssssssssssssss....

3 things that scare me:
1. not knowing what people i love really think about me...
2. loosing a loved one
3. clowns... (don't u dare judge me... those things aren't right...)

3 people that make me laugh
1. My dad (he gets funnier the older he gets...)
2. Deanna... she's so pretty (inside jk)
3. The boyfriend... He's funny... LOOKIN'! LOL!

3 things I love
1. SUSHI!
2. My gucci bag
3. A hot shower after a good workout...

3 people I love... it's more than 3... but whatevs
1. My parents... they're amazing... (and they're mine! get ur own! cause i'm not sharing... so don't be telling me that's like ur play mother/father... it's not... get over it... and get ur own... and yes... i am an only child... don't judge me...)
2. My close girlfriend/ guy friends (Yani, Tish, Nicole, Deanna, Jen, Robbie, Horace, and Danny there's more... just can't name u all! lol!)
3. The Boo thang... lol

3 things I hate
1. When I'm not acknowledge...
2. Cats... they're sneaky and they lick the butter...
3. Not having clarity in situations...

3 things I don't understand
1. Toll roads... they suck...
2. Why people watch BET... it's retarded... and bootleg as heck...
3. Starbucks... we're in America... why do i have to order stuff in a different language... i don't want a friggin tall! I want a small... jerks...

3 sayings that stay coming from my mouth
1. I want you to do what you want to do... don't do me any favors...
2. WHAT UP PLAYA!
3. What you want to eat?

3 things I am doing right now
1. Typing...
2. missing my friends... and boo thang...
3. Wondering who drank all of my Smarter Water... i sure was thirsty...

3 things I want to do before I die
1. Get married and have kids...
2. Eat Sushi in Japan
3. Eat a golden watermelon... (they have them only 2 weeks out of each year... they're pretty good so i hear...)

3 things I cannot do
1. Let someone put their hands on me...
2. Give an apology if I don't mean it...
3. Say I honestly like friend chicken... (i'm a baked kinda girl...)

3 things I think u should listen to
1. Someone who's been divorced...
2. Someone who's been HAPPILY married for over 20 years...
3. Someone on their death bed...

3 things I think u should never listen to
1.A dog that brings a bone...
2. A guy that wears a pinky ring... they're sleazy to me...
3. A woman who is single... that wants to give u advice on how to keep a man...

3 things I could watch all day
1. Law and Order SVU (i've done it before too!)
2. My godsons sleep
3. My boo thang smile... lol... it never gets old to me...

3 things that I could do all day
1. Hang with the girls!
2. Spoon with the boo thang... lol
3. Sit out at my pond...

love the club... my size barbie... and the little penis...

pics shall be posted as soon as they come in...

*before i get this party started... i met a new guy this weekend... well... i met him about a year ago... but we exchanged numbers last week... and i likes... i really... really likes... he's sweet... we have GREAT conversation... he's a cop (well, that's not really a great thing... i do drugs... but not the hardcore ones... just the natural ones... but any who...) now to christen him with a nickname... i shall call him Ne-Yo... but he's a nice look Ne-Yo... not the balding one... now that's out the way... let's get to it*



Friday night... with that damn my size barbie...



let me give you the background on my size barbie... her and i went to college together... we ran in different circles... so we didn't speak to often... but two years after college... we started hanging out... now it's kinda hard to claim her as my "best friend" but i see us getting there... we relate on almost EVERYTHING... and she's super bousie (spell check that) just like me... any who...



barbie hits me up and wants to do dinner... so... we hit up my favorite spot... EVOLVE... barbie's home girl cupcake comes along with us (cupcake is a nice girl... just doesn't have much game when it comes to the fellas... but hey... she's cool beans...) we begin to eat... i get a cup of hot tea... it was fuckin FREEZING outside... barbie... get's a coke... cupcake... well that little hooker gets a STONG island... and when i say strong... i mean put some hair on your chest strong... and her little ass doesn't have a tolerance... and she starts embarrassing us at the bar... damn shame...

we then move onto to this little spot over in DuPont Circle... if you live in DC you know this is where all of the gays hang... which is cool... cause you're always gonna see some strange shit... now this is when i start getting drunk... and the following inappropriate statement comes out of my mouth... *sidebar... there was this gay bartender at the bar... he was talking about the O.J. case and said that he had it coming... mind you... O.J. did NOT go to jail for killing two white people... he got away with that... (yes... O.J. did it...) he went to jail cause he's a dumb ass... end sidebar*

i said the following... i don't know why white people are so made that he got away with killing two white people... ya'll have been lynching us for years... and yall got away with it... so we got two... ya'll got like a few million... slavery was a mo-fo...

i know... out of line... but he couldn't whoop me... so i can say what i want...

we then went to LOVE... now remember when i told yall i hate VIP sections of the club... well... guess were i found myself gallivanting... yep... in the VIP section of the club... and it was freakin awesome... got drunk... for free... and partied... for free... (barbie dates one of the owners...)

now here's where it all takes for the worse... we're leaving the club... barbie hits a curb... and gets two flats... luckily... a guy i use to talk to that went to college with me... was near by... and there was a 24hr tire place there as well... so we get two tires... and ole' boy winds up riding back to barbie's house with us... now i've never had sex with him for one reason... but at the time i couldn't remember why... but after we started kissin... i remembered... he had a little penis... a really little penis... i mean like toddler dick little penis... i told him i was tired... and then took my ass to bed... we woke up and i promised to call him later... which i didn't... cause i'm shallow... and i don't like toddler dick...

this is me... the morning after... not pretty...
Nola*

sometimes... i can suck as a friend...

bestie and i got into an email argument... at first i felt she was just bein a bitch... but... after the email exchange went on... i realized i haven't been as great a friend to her... as she has been and is to me...

the following horoscope sparked it off...

Small Straws In A Soft Wind by Marsha Burns -- December 3, 2008:
You, beloved, have again been reproached through the disappointment and disapproval of others. This has brought a sense of condemnation and a subtle, vague impression of guilt and shame. Take the time and make a conscious effort to roll away this reproach from you because it is an attack of the devil and a curse against you. Rise up in the reality of My love for you and refuse to allow this attack to bring you down, says the Lord.
Psalms 119:22 Remove from me reproach and contempt, for I have kept Your testimonies.

bestie is a big horoscope reader... and truth be told... as far as she's concerned... the ones she comes across applies to her life... and whatever situation she may be going through at that time... it's actually kind of scary... mine always be like... "you will meet someone interesting today..." i meet interesting people everyday asshole... thanks for confirming it will happen again today... tell me some shit i don't know... like "the guy you meet today is not good in bed... so don't sleep with him..." but any who...

i have a tendency to give my opinion when it's not needed... but it's because i feel like i'm helping the situation... even though i'm really not... and today... bestie let me know it... and then tore me a new one...

while i know some of the things she said were out of anger... i hope... i will say that i did need to hear them...

as a friend i'm not suppose to judge you, or tell you what's right or wrong... i'm suppose to support you... and be there for you... ~bestie

while my intentions we're good... the avenue's that i have taken in expressing my concern about the choices bestie has made for her life were not... i've been judgemental, instead of supportive... at times i've made her feel guilty instead of allowing her understand her own decisions and simply be there for her as she works through them... all in all... in many aspects... i've sucked as a friend...

and bestie... I really do apologize for treating you like that... i mean it... i was wrong... i understand why you feel the way you do... and i'm not going to treat you like that anymore... i love you.. you know that... and thanks for loving me despite of myself... and no i'm not crying... i'm cutting onions... at work... lol...

Tiffany*

forgot a few people on the b-day shot out...

so... one of my friends... reminded me i forgot a few people on the shot out...

Da Jewel... thanks for taking me to lunch... and buying me the Tiffany's charm... i love you... one day we're going to be great friends... it's going to hurt... but one day we will... i guess...

Young Boi... also... thanks for the Tiffany's charm... you're great... i'm not the one for you... i know you're in love with me... but it's not gonna happen... neva... but you're a sweetie face... and i wuv u so...

thanks again folks... i just finished a spinning class... and i now have a date with mr. sandman...


swalla!

Nola*

the b-day weekend...

Nov. 23... i turned 25... and it went a little something like this...


-Friday... Nov. 21...

bestie and i went out to Evolve ... my favorite spot... it's always a pleasure being with her... she's my mini buddha as you all know... it was cold as Eskimo balls outside... i had the shrimp and spinach soup... crab cakes... and a cup of hot tea... (with cream and honey...) deeeeelish! bestie had the crab cakes... then Markee showed up... i wuv him... he's the best... Markee asked us what we were doing after dinner... we looked at each other... and realized we were in no way dressed for shenanigans... plus we both has a long day... and were pretty tired... so we decided to take it in...

-Sat. Nov. 22...

woke up... looked in the mirror... licked my lips... and realized how sweet it is to be me... LOL!

daddy bust in the door singing happy birthday... and had my present upstairs... i reminded him that my birthday isn't until tomorrow (the 23rd)... he then scrambles to hide my gift again... (he's so special...) mom ask what my plans are for today... i told her that bestie won't tell me... cause she's a doo doo head... (but i wuv her little doo doo head...)

bestie takes me to get a message... but not just any message... it was a Reiki message... AMAZING... there's not a lot of rubbing involved... but it really helps you to be in turn with your inner heart (or your spirit) and the universe (or God... or whatever higher being you believe in)... you do have to focus... (there were times throughout the message i started singing luke base music... HYDROLICS!)

i then met up with bestie at bottom boo's house... and all my friends were there... (and when i say all my friends... i mean bestie and bottom boo... and that's it...) bestie then kidnapped me for like 4 hrs... and rode me around the city... we stop at Pentagon City... pick up a couple dresses... and then went to get coffee... cause we were super tired... then bestie took me onto this street... a super dark street... i told her i did not feel like getting ass raped right now... i wasn't drunk enough yet... we walk in to this spa (that had no business being there... it was super cute) and in the back... there was a POLE PARTY!!!!! Freakin rocked... a couple of my girls were there... we acted like total whores... total dirty whores... Gabby was the best whore of them all... she won a free pedicure... yeah for being whores with pretty toes!!!!

ran into a few problems... but we eventually made it to Layla... WACK ASS CLUB!!!! but any ways... Texas Ranger was there... and Mr. Fishy (that's bestie's former love... their going to get married... cause that's what makes me happy...) i kicked it with Texas... then went to his place... and all i can say... is that i brought my birthday in that way it should be brought in... with the ones that i love the most...

Sun. Nov. 23...

Nicole and Deanna took me to The Park... then to Current... and got me drunk to the point that i called "earl" on the way home... and yeah... that's what i call friendship... i'm going to take you out... get you drunk to the point you get sick... ride you around to a bunch of places you don't want to go... and even when you beg me to take you home... i'm gonna take you to a bunch of clubs... freakin awsome!

so... to all of the people who helped me to bring in my 25th right... love you guys... more than you know...

this is what i want

Last Night...

sorry i haven't written in a while guys... lots to tell... the b-day weekend... and the foolishness that i indulged in will be coming up soon... but for now... i'm going to tell you about last night...


(right now i'm listening to "so amazing" by Luther V.)

so... last night Texas took me to this spot called THE PRIME RIB... it was amazing... mainly because he was there... but the food was great... afterwards we went back to his spot... watched the fight... which i fell asleep on... but... i woke up around 2... and saw that he was asleep...

this is what he (and you guys) would have seen....

T.R. if you were awake right now you would see a woman... stairing at you trying to figure out how you made her feel that way she does...

when i'm with you... i'm at my best... always... that's what you bring out of me... and i love you more everyday for it...

if you were awake right now... you would see a women who always wants you to be happy... no matter what that means for you... i just want you to smile... may it be with me or... another...

if you were awake right now... you would see a women who loves you... truly loves you... you know... many times when people say i love you... they don't really mean it right then... they're really just waiting for the preson to confirm that they love them... and once they realize it's ok... that's when they really love the person... (if that makes any sense)... but it's not like that with me Texas... i love you... and even if you don't love me back... i love you just the same... you've taught me how to be unselfish... and that's a big accomplishment... no really... it is...

if you were awake right now... you would be looking at a woman who wants more out of our relationship... and you can't blame me for that... just as i can't blame you for not being able to give me more out of the relationship... and just because you can't... doesn't mean that you're not giving me all you have...

Texas... in every relationship there is a lesson... in this relationship the lesson you have taught me is agape' love... and i thank you for that...

Nola*

(singing) lost without you... can't help myself... how does it feel... to know that i love you baby....

Story of my life...

i love Kanye West... he's arrogant... he's an asshole... he's... he's... honest... and he's fair... and i'm going to kidnap him and have some little arrogant ass babies with him... with his widdle chubby cheeks!

Breathing...

it's so hard for me to say this
i'm struggling to find the right words
what I've felt is past tense What I feel you just haven't heard
so
i think it's better that I tell you now
i think it's better that I tell you now
i think it's better that I tell you now
he's so sweet and good,
good
i can't let him go
-Jill Scott


right now... i'm dealing with a lot of uncertainty in my love life...

i believe that different people bring out different characteristics of yourself...

i love who i am when i'm with Texas... i'm funny... i feel pretty... i feel like i'm at my best...

but with the Jewel... i feel insecure... inadequate... and like i'm not good enough for anyone... including him...

but i can't walk away from the Jewel... because i know he'll always be there for me... no matter what... i love him because he gives me security... and i know with him... i'll never be alone... but with him... i sacrifice my happiness... because my smile is simple a facade...

with Texas... i know that when i'm with him... i'll always be happy... but i'm not sure if he'll always be there... so with him... i sacrifice my sense of security...

i need to really put my big girl panties on... and deal with it... but their uncomfortable... and give me wedgies... sheesh...

a love note...

here's a love note... i wrote to someone special...





Hey you…

I literally had like a 4 page letter that I was going to send you… Full of heart felt and loving words about my feelings for you… But it was corny… and you know that’s not my stez ;)

So I’ll just say this…

I always want you to be happy… (You know that) No matter what that means…

I miss you when you’re not there to share something special with me…

And yeah… There are times where I just want to be around you… doesn’t matter what we’re doing… or where we are…

Well I guess I’m ready to deal with the consequence of the next thing I’m going to tell you… So here goes…

Yes (such and such)… I love you… without expectation… I love you…

So I’ll close with this…

We care for each other… and most of all we understand each other… And I believe that years from now… No matter where we are in out lives… We always will…

Tiffany*

Prop 8.... Should it really be compared to Segregation????

lately... people have been comparing PROP 8 to racial segregation...

ahhhhhhhhhh... i don't know if it's as serious as that... but it is KINDA on the same lines...

A. (just my belief) being gay is a choice... being black... isn't...

B. love is love... don't really see why you would want to outlaw loving someone, and being able to express it...

Plus... i love gay people!!!! Iimean... the whole butt sex really isn't my thing... But whatever works for you!

love is love... so Prop 8... i'm flippin you the bird (the middle finger for all my special readers)!!

Falling in... And out of Love...

I love falling in love... Well... Maybe I love falling in... Infatuation...

You know... that first 4 hr talk on the phone..

1st time you spend with him at his house...

First hand hold...

First kiss...

First time you guys bump uglies...

I love all that...

Then... two weeks... two months... two years... later...

It's alllllll gone...

I always try to figure out why I loose site of a wonderful individual so quickly... Or why they loose site of me... so easily...

I hate fighting for people's attention... Therefore if I feel that I'm not getting yours... I'll give up... I'll stop answering phone calls... and if I do... I'll make an excuse for why I can't talk right now... or why I can't see you... I think I get over people to easily...

There are certain people that I miss from time to time...

Certain people that I wish I would have fought a little harder for... and I wish they would have fought a little harder for me...

So... if your reading this... just know... I do miss you from time to time... I see your calls... And when I see them, I smile... I don't answer cause... Well, cause I don't want to remind myself of you... Your voice... Your face... Your smell... I just want to see your missed call... Go into my call log... and delete you... Like you never happened... Like you were never apart of my life...

But truth be told... I can't do that... So if your reading this blog... (and I know your stalking ass is...) I do miss you... You cute crazy stalker you...

I'm outtie...

Nola...