relationships vs. relationSH!TS

so... most of my girlfriends are settled down like myself... and they are very happy and monogamous in their current relationships... but there is this one woman... who is rounding 30 who is still single... and she loathes her current status...

to be honest... out of all of my girlfriend she is the most attractive... she has a great personality... and has a lot going for her... but she constantly dates the same kind of guys... ball players... club promoters... and party guys... these men are always have tons of women around them... and are in no way shape or form ready to settle down... and she constantly tries to "save" this guys...

why the hell would you want a guy that doesn't want you? i mean... we've all been there before... trying to get a man to do what we want them to do... but i think we've all came to the understanding that if a man wants you... he's show it... and if he doesn't... you know it... (i should trademark that line... lol)

i just really hope she wakes up... and stops trying to convince a man of her worth... and finds someone who can see it without her having to open her mouth and tell them...

Nola*

some days... i just wanna be single...

relationships are a lot of work... you find out something new about a person everyday... and sometimes you find those new things about that person straight out SUCK...

i love him... no question about that... i want to be with him... no question about that either... but loving him so much... and wanting to be with him so much sometimes causes me what i feel at the time is unnecessary pain... cause if i were single... and just dating him i wouldn't feel like this... he would be disposable... cause what he lacks... i would simply and unapologetically find someone else to pick up his slack...

but at this point that's not an option...

the things that hurt... i have to deal with... well at least until the point the pain becomes unhealthy for me... and then i'd have to deal with choosing myself over him... and walk away...

i know it sounds really bad but today is one of those days where the only reason i'm with him is because i love him... cause today... i just don't see that person i feel in love with...

Nola*

funerals, ghetto/country ghetto ass relatives, and hot ass churches...

so... my grandmother passed away... peacefully... to be honest it was the most beautiful transition into death i have ever seen... she simply drifted to sleep... it was around 9:30... and i just got home from the gym... i walked in and saw my dad with this strange look on his face... my mom came downstairs and said she was gone... i then walked downstairs to my room... laid on my bed and began to cry... then all of sudden... I felt this warm feeling from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet... like someone was laying gently on me... it lasted for about 30 seconds... and then went away... in my mind it was her... giving me a hug goodbye... i miss her...

now for the ignorant shit...

we get to the church... Upper Room Baptist Church... and there is NO AC in this church... as we walk in i hear some dude reading this sad ass bible verses... we sit down... it's hot ass hell... and the service starts... the choir (which consisted of 3... yes... 3 old people who couldn't sing...) started singing some sad ass song... that was off key... my cousin Tone got up... gave a beautiful speech about my grandmother... that was short sweet and to the point...

the next thing i know... this lame ass minister gets up and starts preaching about everything in the world other than my grandmother... he starts talking about how tatoo's mean you practice in witch craft... about how you gotta be in a wheelbarrow... and if you have a tattoo your going to hell... (i have three... but if i am going to hell... it won't be for a tattoo... God can come up with a bunch of other reason for me to go there... lol... just kidding... not really...)

*sidenote* my current boyfriend... and my x boyfriend both showed up at the funeral... my family seemed to get a good laugh out of that... smh...*

and of course the repass was hilarious... niggas kept coming up to me telling me how much i've grown... and how i look just like my mother... i didn't even know who they were... i left early... i was in a crappy mood... and i didn't feel like people hugging me tell me it was going to be ok...

i'm glad my Grandma is resting... she deserves it... love you ma'...

Nola*