dear rebounds... kick rocks...

why is it that when you get out of a relationship... all of the dudes that you use to talk to somehow find out... and start callin... a rebound nigga is the LAST thing that i need in my life right now... all i need is God... and me... my friends... and my fam... dating is sooooo not in the picture right now...

i wish people would realize that a rebound is not healing the pain that you feel inside... it's just masking it... it's still gonna be there... and it's only gonna get worse... cause you wind up hurting someone else... and hurting yourself more as well...

there is nothing wrong with taking time by yourself to heal... it's actually better that way...

so rebounds... stop sending flowers... stop calling for dinner... or just to say hi... all you want to do is see what color my panties are anyways... and just KICK ROCKS!!!!

Nola*

P.S. i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! LOL!

worst vacation EVER!!!!!

so... i've been away for a while... you know the deal...

the brandon and I are no longer... and honestly it's for the best... but i'll get to that a little later...

let's get into the vaca...

him and i have been having a few issues... so what better to revive a relationship than take a mini vacation! WRONG... total fail... lol

i go online and find this amazing bed and breakfast spot in VA beach... it's also a spa... so i also book him and i a couples massage... not to mention i found this aquarium that will let you swim with the seal for a small fee (and when i say small i mean $125 each small... lol)

so we get through the drive... and we had a good time together... he seemed pretty distant... but i was like it will get better through the weekend... Thursday was cool... we ate... and chilled... but at the same time something just seemed to be wrong... but again... i felt that it would get better after the weekend... wrong... got worse... i mean... everything we did he seemed to push me away more and more... i tried to get close to him in bed... nothing... i tried to hold him while we were in the hot tub... nothing... i tried to kiss him... NOTHING! so finally i'm like... ok... look... what is going on... we get into what was just suppose to be a small discussion... and automatically he decides that he always get to this point... and he says... and I quote "making you happy feels like a chore... and I don't want anything i do to be fake... i just can't do this..." lost and confused i begin to cry... and beg for him to stay... mind you i love this man... and have put everything i have plus more into this relationship... so you're dag on right i'm going to fight for it... long story short... i sat in bed all day Saturday... crying... on what was suppose to be a wonderful vacation... at the end of the trip we decided to just take some space and figure things out...

during that time... (it was only a day...) i realized a few things... love does not eat away at who you are as a person... it enhances you... brandon was becoming a cancer to me... and eating away at the beautiful person that Tiffany (i'm Tiffany... lol... and also Nola Darling...) is... the person i was when i was with him was not me... i'm happy... i'm loving... i'm a writer... i love talking and being with my friends... and when i was with brandon... i did none of that... i barely updated my blog... or called my friends... or just enjoyed life... my sole concentration was on our relationship... which was destroying other relationships that i had... so intern... it was clear that i had to do one of the hardest things i had done in a long time... i had to cut things off completely with someone i felt that i was suppose to spend the rest of my life with...

now... he's not a bad guy... he is actually and amazing person... but i will say that he is a TERRIBLE boyfriend...

i got a lot out of the relationship... i found that i can be in a committed relationship... even when things get bad... i've grown closer to God... but most of all... i've learned how to love... really love...

i want a man who loves me... ever bit of me... and who wants to make me happy just as much as i want to make them happy... and i have no clue what the future holds... but i know that there is someone out there that is just for me... and i am so excited about taking this hard... wonderful... painful... loving... ugly... and beautiful journey... into finding love...

*Nola