Grandma will be here for a long time........ No... she won't...

i walked in the house in tears... i've been either crying... or holding back tears since Sunday... not really eating... can't sleep without the assistance of NyQuil... and just haven't felt like myself...

My dad saw my mother walk up and give me a hug while doing the dishes... "what's wrong?" he asked... "she's upset about Ma' Taylor..." she said... "don't worry it baby... Grandma will be here for a long time..." "No daddy... she won't..."

i understand that my father was just trying to comfort me... but at this age... i have to learn to live in reality... i'm an only child... and a daddy's girl... so it was naturally that my father would try to spare my feelings... even if it meant lying...

my grandmother is 89 years old... she's not my biological grandmother... but she's always treated me like family... and really... she never told me she wasn't my real grandmother... my dad did...

right now i'm sad... and angry... she'll never see me get married... never see me have kids... never... see me do all the things that my other cousins have done... and that really makes me upset... i know it's selfish... but it's how i feel... i know i should look at it and say... she's lived a long life... and she'll be looking down on me and my kids in heaven... but right now... that doesn't make me feel any better... i want her be here physically now...

then there's the waiting game... it's hard to deal with the death of a loved one when they haven't died... she's in pain... and she's tired... and i just want her to rest... and die peacefully... but she's still holding on... and i'm not sure why... it hurts to go see her... and that's a big part of the reason it took me two weeks to drive 5 miles from my house... to hers... cause it's just hurts to much... i know... it sounds bad... but it is what it is...

i'm just trying to enjoy her... what's left of her... cause most of the time she just opens her eyes for a few seconds... and then goes back to sleep... but i still have her here with me... and while she's here... i'll enjoy her... it sucks missing someone when their sitting right next to you...

death... bitter sweet... ah f@ck it... death sucks... ok... bye...

Nola*

A Versatile Blogger Award for Things to do today

so... i received my first blog award from M.Z. which is pretty cool... that someone thinks what 1 write is award worthy... and most of the time i think i just go on rants... but hey... thanks none the less! her blog is pretty awesome... and well put together... and if i wasn't following her before... i sure am now!

so with this award i have to write 7 random facts about me... and give awards to 15 other blogger... (makes me rethink liking this award... kinda sucks that i have to do work... but whatevs...)

so here we go...

1. i watch flavor of love season 3 everyday of the work week. (i have no idea why i do this... but it makes my day go by faster...)
2. i love root beer... and would drink it everyday if it was healthy...
3. i love playing in my boyfriends hair...
4. i'm almost positive most of the men that work in my office have a live boy and a dead girl in their closet... and there is nothing that you can say to convince me otherwise...
5. when people chew with their mouth open or smack/slurp food i feel like taking a gun and shooting them in the foot..
6. i like female strippers... and no... i'm not gay... gay friendly... but nope... don't fool with carpet... unless it's my own...
7. i love him... and this face...
and i'm way to lazy to write 15 bloggers i like... just check my blog role... k... bye...
Nola*

Surprise party... Strippers... Cupcakes... and ur Bitch ass boys...

So... I threw the boo a surprise party this weekend... had my girls came through... (because I know none of his female friends... and he says he doesn't really have any *side eye*) and a few of his boys... niggas were late... because... well... there niggas... but everything turned out great... He was really surprised... and confused... then was about to curse me out because I told him that I was in Miami and I was really in DC... So once he got over the fact that I lied to him... he was totally appreciative of the party...

So... I hang with a bunch of prissy chicks... (as am i...) so you know damn well we didn't bowl... but the fellas did... now i'm going to try to say this nicely... but all of Ny's friends except for one... are wack... i mean kriss kross inside out is wigity wack... one of them was like... aye... what's up with Siyani (bestie) I responded, "what do you mean what's up with her... nothing" he was like... i mean i wanted to holla... i told him not a chance...

later in the car while we were on our way to the strip club Ny asked why i was so harsh on his boy... i said... cause he's wack... and Yani wasn't going to give him the time of day... and she has a boyfriend who she adores... oh... and did i mention he's WACK!

any who... we're driving to the strip club and then all of a sudden Ny hits me with a text... "Baby... I don't think everyone wants to the strip club..." ok... cool... it was just an idea i though everyone would like... i mean it's titties... and nice titties at that... so Ny is like... i think everyone wants to go out... ok... mind you this is HIS birthday weekend... so i say... what do YOU want to do... then he was like... i mean... i'm just trying to make EVERYONE happy... i cut him off... FUCK EVERYONE ELSE... THIS IS YOUR BIRTHDAY WEEKEND... THAT IS SOME BITCH SHIT... DON'T BE A BITCH... BITCH'S WITH DICK'S ARE NOT SEXY IN 2010... AND I ONLY FUCKS WITH SEXY... *rant end*... needless to say we went to the strip club... it was chill... got him a table dance... he seemed to enjoy it when he wasn't wondering if i was getting jealous.... *rolls eyes* next time i'm taking one of my boys...

Nola*