Forgiveness...

*Sigh*

i really hate writing serious blogs... i guess mainly because these blogs are about my life... and i soooo don't take that serious... it's doesn't last forever...


any who...



so... i went to Wayne's funeral yesterday... sad... sad... sad...

i do not by any means want a funeral like that... i don't want an open casket... matter of fact... cremate me... stick me in a box... and fly me to Jamaica... then sprinkle me in the blue waters... call that shit a day... (btw... I'm trying to stop swearing so much...)


one part of the sermon the minister presented to us really hit home for me... it was about forgiveness...

i digress...

i'm in the 7th grade... true definition of a pyt (pretty young thang)... i have a heart of gold... i want everyone in my class to like me... meaning that i'll do just about anything to be accepted by my peers...

there's this one girl who is so popular... tanisha reid (yep... that's her real name... not using any alias' on this joint) she has personality that makes feel that you need to acquire friendship with her... which in tern allows her to manipulate people into not liking you if she sees fit...

consequently i fell in both of the categories...

for two years of my life... i was teased... picked on... and even beat up... physically but more so emotionally... and still i yearned to be friends with this child...

she encouraged people to do things to me like take my lunch, tease me about my shape (i was like 110... no boobs or butt...) and even held my arms so I couldn't defend myself as another girl slapped me...

i would come home in tears... my parents would ask me what's wrong... and me being scared of repercussions at school, and also in fear what my father would do... i would lie... (my father doesn't play... and tanisha and her mother would have easily had a bullet in their heads if he would have known anything that was going on at the time... my parents would die for me... as i would for them... nuff said)

it even got to a point where i tried to take my own life (not going into detail about that...) ... i hated her for making me feel like this... i carried this hate around with me for about 11 years...

after 8th grade graduation i told myself that i would never EVER let any make me feel like that again... i would stand up for myself at all times... i wouldn't give a hot damn what someone thought about me... which lead me to being spiteful person... i would try my best to make you cry no matter what it took... i became a bullies bully (i actually still am a bit of a bullies bully... i just can't fight... thus why use mase...) which made me look like a really mean spoiled little bitch...

So with a bit of therapy... and a few fake ass anger management classes... i've turned into the sweet person (still a bit bitchy though) that you all know and love...

i value true friendship, i love openly, and i try my best to always treat people fairly, and not trying to toot my own horn... but i'm a pretty awesome person...

i have wonderful friends that love me and family family who adores me...

they say it take pressure to make a diamond... and i'm soooo SHINNIN' BITCH...

so... tanisha... i forgive you... and even thank you... because that part of my life is a percentage of the reason i am such an amazing person today... (i kinda like tooting my own horn...)

Ba-dee ba-dee ba-dee... That's all folks!

*Nola