i know... it's been forevs'

hey fam... i know i haven't blogged in ages...

i've kinda been cleaning out my closet... and my head... and most of all my heart...

i came to realize that a lot of the relationships that i've been entertaining in my life have been in vain...

i guess subliminally... it showed how insecure i've become... i sometimes paint a picture that i'm this confident person... but most times i'm really not...

i realized that i kinda was defining my beauty... but the amount of guys i had after me...

but see now (well... i kinda already knew...) they wanted me for one thing... and i though that was ok... but now... i realize it wasn't... it took someone special to show me my worth... (and no... it wasn't Texas... sadly...)

i do sincerely apologize for being so distant from you guys... but i just had to step back for a sec... and get Nola (not my real name... lol) together... but i'm back... and i'll fill you guys in later on tonight about what's been going on...

Love you guys...

Nola*

and he said... i'm a dude in a skirt...

*congrats to the steelers!!!!! ain't nothing wrong with a young black coach winning the super bowl!*

one of my homies called me a dude in a skirt... that statement originated from a looong dialog him and i had this saturday... i kinda disagreed... but after much debate... i conceded... and agreed... that at this time... i am... a dude... in a skirt...

the feelings that came when the convo was over kinda sucked major... i'm single... (i know i shouldn't allow people to make me feel bad for how i'm living my life... as long as i'm happy and healthy... but sometimes i do...) so i feel like a should act accordingly... the main reason is that when i do get in a relationship... i don't want to feel like i've missed out on something... because the next relationship i get into that man... is gonna be... my husband...

as all of you know i have a mini smorgasbord of guys... some of them have caught feelings for me ... some are just j.o's... and some... i know we'll be life long friends...

but i kinda feel like i'm filling some type of void or trying to find some type of shallow validation within myself...

i don't feel empty... i don't feel insecure (well... not most of the time)... i just like having a few different dudes on my team... being that i'm single and all...

i just hope that the one that matters to me the most doesn't just see me as a dude in a skirt... but he sees the good in me too... the part that loves and adores him (i love u Texas...) ... and if he doesn't... then that kinda sucks... cause right now... i'm not changing... for nobody... now if someone wants to take this ride with me... come on... and buckle up... cause the ride is bumpy... and the AC isn't working... and i might need you to change the oil a few times on the way... but i promise you... whoever takes that ride with me... when we get to that destination... the reward will make that ride look like a walk in the park...

i just know... that one day... "the right person will still think the sun shines out my ass..." -juno

Nola*

this is the type of daddy i have!

sorry it's been a minute guys... i've been working like a slave... but i'll be back next week...

love me some Jamie and some Yezzy...

i love assholes... they just do something to me...

it's the little things...

i got this email from Texas today...

Hey Tiff. Hope your day is going well and your working on being nicer at the job like you said. I was just thinking about you and wanted to say wassup...i'll ttyl.

and if the biggest red kool aid smile didn't come across my face...

it's making me tear up how much i love this dude... i mean... it's kinda steamy in hear... cause thugs don't cry...

count down begins...

got inspired by my muze to write this blog... she's freakin great...

things you wish you could say to 10 different people:

-when i saw u this summer... you lost a bunch of weight... and when i saw u this winter... you gained it all back... so no... we can't hook up "real soon"... i'm shallow... don't judge me...

-u must have lost your got damn mind... that not even a reasonable request... and fuck as naw i'm not paying for that bullshit...

-ur an asshole... and i hope u get what's coming to you... thank God i only have to work for u for a few more weeks... and after that... i'm moving upward and onward... and there's nothing you can do about it... btw... your not white... you Iraqi... no matter what position u hold white people will always see u as a sand nigga... get over it... (they're just not gonna tell you that cause they think you might blow up some shit...)

-take care of your kids and stop putting them off on other people... and stop bitchin about paying child support...

-i like spending time with you... but that's about it...

-i'm really glad we became friends... u freakin rock out... ur a total stuck up bitch... just like me... and u kinda let me know it's ok to be like that... sometimes... lol

-please stop calling me during the day... the only times it is acceptable for you to call is friday or saturday... after 10 pm... u are a jump off... please know your role...

-dear cowboys... fuck u... and... i wish i would have had a chance to say goodbye before you went to the "A"... but don't u worry... i'll be down there this summer... hell yeah i'd fly down there to tap that...

-yes... i have gained a little weight since high school... and you've developed a crack habit...

-i got u a Christmas gift because i wanted to... and yes... i knew u couldn't afford to get me one... but the look on your face when i gave it to you was the best gift i've got this year... i love u... don't ever put a value on what we have...

things about yourself:

-i have serious commitment issues... and i'm not sure if i'll ever resolve them...

-i procrastinate on things that i should take care of right away... except for things that have to deal with my health... and my blog...

-i have an unhealthy obsession with Tristen Wilds... i don't care how old he is...

-the only person i really like at my church is the pastor... he's the only one who doesn't judge me about my views on religion...

-i love kids... as long as i can give them back... and yes i do happen to be good with kids... and no... i don't want to baby sit your little evil as gremlins... if i wanted to watch some kids... i'd have one or two...

-i'd honestly cry more if my dog die... than if someone on my fathers side would... i don't like those fuckers... (but i love my daddy!)

-i'm a sleep farter...

-i love to dance around in my underwear... and sing in my hairbrush...

ways to win your heart:

-love and respect your mother...

-if you have kids... love and respect your child's mother... i don't care how difficult she is...

-love me for who i am...

-always be fair to me... no matter how much it hurts...

-make me laugh...

-have an education... and at least a college degree (or be in the process of getting one...)

-have a clean house...

-be able to cook (or at least want to learn how to cook...)

things that cross your mind often:

-why is it so hard to say i love u to someone... but so easy to say i hate you...

-why the fuck to people eat McDonald's... that is the most unhealthy shit in the world... watch SUPER SIZE ME...

-would my life be different if i had grandparents???

-why do people put so much into religion... instead of putting effort into bettering the lives of other people...

-why do artist like Common and Talib Kweli get set to the back burner... while fack ass lame marc-ass buster... ass munching... turd fuckers... like 50 cent get major play on the radio...

-i'm in love with Nas... and Common... and Pharrell...

-i pooted... hope no one smelled it... and if they did... i'm gonna blame it on my manager...

things you do before you go to sleep:

-pray (well at least i try to...)

-get a glass of tea with cream and honey...

-talk to either... the Jewel... Texas Ranger... Young Boy... or Nice look Ne-Yo...

-watch Adult Swim...

-sing love songs... and think about Texas Ranger...

-take a bubble bath...

people you couldn't live without:

-mommy

-daddy

-bestie

-bottom boo

-and maybe Texas...

things you're wearing right now:

-Joe's Jeans...

-Tiffany & Co Bracelet...

-the hand me down diamonds my mother gave me...

-Rosebud Strawberry Lip Balm...

songs that fit your life perfectly:

-Frontin' by Pharrell Williams...

-Amazing Love by Luther Vandross

-Didn't Cha Know by Erykah Badu

>

things you want to do before you die:

-visit Africa

-get married... (these aren't the most important things i want to do before i die though...)

confession:

-hmmmmm... i hate my body sometimes...

super model documentary hour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when i get bored i tend to take pictures of myself... well that and... shop... call up jump offs... and think of ways to annoy bestie... i loves her soooo BTW... enjoysssssssssssssssssss...