ok... let's make this simple...

cause i'm starting to get very... very... very... uncomfortable...

here's the stuff that makes me happy...

• phone calls...
• returning my calls...
• texting me...
• returning my texts...
• wanting to see me... (which you do...)
• doing stuff just because... (you're really good at that... seeing me in the middle of the week really makes me feel special... and those flowers were wonderful)
• spending time with me... once a week... if more that's cool... but i can good with once a week... and when i say once a week... it doesn't have to be a lot of time... even if it's 20 minutes after your game... just sitting in the car talking... just being around you makes me happy... doesn't matter when... or where... or how long... (you're really great at this too...)

here's the stuff that makes me sad...

• not hearing from you...
• not returning my texts... and you told me that you got it... (yeah... that makes me feel really un-important...)

and that's it... now to me... it doesn't seem like a lot... but who knows... i'm just trying to give you a better understanding of what makes me tick... cause you're a great guy... and i'm a great girl... and i just want to be great... together... ok... bye... ;-)

Nola*

*sigh* ugh...

tellum how you feel tuesday....

i know... it's wednsday... i meant to post this last night... but Nyquil took over... that stuff is amazing...

let's get to it... cause i need to vent...

• there are days where i miss my x (Drew) not the relationship... but just my friend... we talked everyday for 6 years... and now... well... we might only talk once or twice a month... there are days where i just want my friend back... but i understand that things can't and won't go back to being the same...
• i don't have ugly friends... i know... sounds mean... but i don't... all of my friends are dimes or better... and they also have to have great personalities... don't judge me...
• i prayed that i would win the lottery... just so i can drive to bethesda and slap the shit out of this fire crotch bitch... that tried to get me fired... but she's actually about to get walked out the door... so i got the last laugh...
• i need to get laid this weekend... i'm talking about a serious thrashin' ... and i plan on doin so... bow chika bow bow...
• the women that work in my building suck... accept for like 3...
• i falling in love with someone... and i'm now totally confused about how i feel because another factor has now been added to the mix... i just need clarity... now... right the fuck now...
• i also have a bad gut feeling about the person i'm falling for... my gut has been wrong before... but i just don't know... sucks... major...

that's all for now...

Nola*

stop being happy and get in here and be miserable!

have you ever ran into someone that is just tooooooo freaking happy????

i mean... like ball of sunshine... Disney special... everything is great with the world type happy...

almost to the point that it annoys you... well... i ran into a guy like that a little while ago...

i digress...

went to spin class the other day... i was late... so i didn't get the bike that i wanted to... and most of the bikes

were taken... but luckily the instructor gave me hers... and put me right in front of the big ol' bundle of happy

named Jerry...

Jerry is about 5'5... pretty smile... even though he has braces... and just full of life... clapping his hands to the

music... constantly encourage those around him... even though he didn't know them... and just being...

happy... toooo freakin happy...

now at first i was pretty annoyed... cause i was having a bad day and didn't understand why the

hell he was so

happy that he wasn't being miserable like myself...

then i thought... he probably had a bad day... but he is choosing to be happy... so instead of taking my happy

antibiotics... i decided to let him cough a bunch of happy on me... and caught his happy bug...

and it feels pretty good...

Nola*

The "Fool Hardy Love"

after reading this blog by J Skittles... it made me write this...

have you every loved someone so much that you would hold their hand through whatever???

i'm not talking about nigga cheated on me... or he's doesn't always act right... i'm talking about he's paralyzed from the neck down... or he's struggling with his sexuality... that type of love...

well... i've loved like this... one time... and one time only... i digress...

met this guy about a year ago... Mo... and fell hard... i'm talkin bout... can't eat... can't sleep... found my soul mate... cuttin off any other niggas type hard... i really though i had found "the one"

but a few months later... i come to find that he wasn't the one... Mo was struggling with his sexuality... (yeah... it sucked ass...) but because i loved him so much... and was in love with him... i was willing to stand by him and help him through this situation... but in the end... he left... (as a matter of fact... he broke up with me on vacation...)

this was my first and only time being in love...

now the present...

as of right now i'm ready to love again... i'm just very careful who i choose to give my love to... it's very easy for me to walk away from a situation if i see that it's not working... matter of fact... i date niggas in two week increments... every two weeks you're up for review... and if you're not putting up good points... you're getting cut... i don't really stand for much bullshit... if any...

just the other day... i had to break it down to Ny... look... at some point i have to be comfortable with dating you... and right now i'm not... now... i don't feel like i'm asking for anything crazy... i just need to know that we eventually want the same things out of each other... we don't have to be on the same page... but we do need to be reading from the same book... feel me? i've put him on notice... the next few weeks will tell... but if i had to make a decisions right now... i'd probably role... but we we'll see... i don't have anything to loose by letting the situation play out... and he is a pretty amazing guy...

that "Fool Hardy Love" was the best and the worst thing i've every been through... it taught me how to love... that unselfish... pure love... and i'm glad that i had the opportunity to love like that...

Nola*

random fact about me... i blog naked... ok bye... lol

sometimes we create the very people that we don't want to be with...

relationships can be tough... super tough... i mean... tough like outback steakhouse steak tough (i hate their steaks btw... their drinks are pretty delectable though...)

but i think the only reason they can be so complicated is because we make them that way... instead of learning to love the person we're with for who they are at the present time, we want them to be the idea of what we think they should be...

so... here are a few of the things that i've learned from the men that i've dealt with... and i'm currently dealing with...

• you can't make anyone feel how you want them to feel about you... if they love you... they will... if they don't... then they won't...
• feelings between two people do not develop at the same pace... (at least that's how i see it) one person will sometimes give a little more than the other... as long as both parties understand they are working toward a certain goal, and both parties feel that the situation is healthy... i think the relationship will grow...
• sex doesn't do shit but complicate the situation more... (ladies... get a dildo... it will keep you from making bad dick decisions...)
• guys... the stupid shit matters... i.e. calling just to say hi... texts messages in the morning... playing in our hair... or cards are quick ways to keep us from acting crazy....
• ladies... do not expect men to just figure out what you like... i.e. if he's not calling you enough... tell him... if you like flowers... tell him... if you want to see him... TELL HIM!!!! guys cannot read your mind... they're visual and verbal creatures... not emotional like us...
• just because a person doesn't love you the way you want them to love you... doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have... i.e. if i asked him for $20 and he only has $5 and he give me that $5 i should appreciate that he is giving me all that he has... feel me?

in closing... the only difference between ordinary and extraordinary is the "extra"...

Nola*

OMG... Mother Nature Needs a Swift Ass whoopin...

snow... everywhere... i mean... i am so over this biggity bullshit... i swear... this snow makes me think that winter will never freakin end...

i've been eating everything in site... thank God that i still have a good metabolism... or my ass would be back to 190... yeah... i was 190... still holding at 165... lol

Ny came to see me... in all this mess... makes me like him more... ok jeez... i'm falling in love with him... there i said it... just when i was happy being single... here he comes... and makes me want to be in a relationship... but timing is everything... so i've kinda been avoiding the whole... relationship conversation... but i guess i'll break down in the next few weeks... movin on...

i've realized a lot in this whole being snowed in thing...

• my parents are amazing... and totally in love... i want to love someone like that...
• my dog is also amazing... and has a lot of personality... more than most people...
• i love making art...
• i love being alone... and just having me time... i'm pretty cool once i get to know me... lol
• everything taste good when you're bored...

welll ta ta for now...

Nola*