AYYYYYYYEEEEEEE

ahhhhh dating...

it freaking rocks right about now... taking it slow... not really worrying about anything... not fallin for just anyone... it's pretty good right now...

anywho... i'm really at a point where i'm really falling in love with myself... and it's really amazing... i see who i want and call who i want... and when i find myself not wanting to call or see anyone... the times when i'm alone... i really restore myself...

truth be told i've been needing to be like this for a while... this is the FIRST time i've been single since i was like 15... yeah... i'm for real...

so here i am... Tiffany... Bremby... Tiff Tiff... Nola... whatever u want to call me... here... i... am... lovin me... ;-)

Nola*

i have so much to be thankful for...

happy thanksgiving everyone!!!

it's sad that once a year i really sit down and reflect on how much i have to be thankful for... most of us including myself spend most of our time complaining about what we don't have and what we want we don't take the time to look at all that we have...

so i'm thankful for my friends... i'm thankful for my parents... i'm thankful for my faithful blog readers... i'm thankful for my friends... i'm thankful for my doggy... and i'm thankful for my job...

i'm thankful for my hard times... i'm thankful for the pain i've gone through in relationships... i'm thankful for rainy days... and i'm thankful for death... just as much as i'm thankful for life...

so on this day i want all of you guys to reflect on what your thankful for... good or bad...

take care!

Nola*

DID YA MISS ME?!

hey guys... i know it's been a minute... just been working... (got a second gig now... WHAT UP WHOLE FOODS!) and living... and a little lovin' here and there... lol...


so... lets get to it...

the reason i took a break was because i was at a point were i just felt broken (mentally)... not to say that i'm not still a little damaged... but let me put it like this... i'm walking around on a sprained ankle... i'm good... but i'm just not ready to run yet... between getting over my x (who i can now admit was the first person i've EVER been in love with) to doing this whole dating thing... it had all left me to a point where i felt like i was loosing myself... so i need to take some time to figure out things... so i want to thank you guys for not removing me from your blog list...

THE IGNORANCE AND FOOLISHNESS WILL NOW COMMENCE... LOL!


so... like i said... i picked up a part time at WHOLE FOODS.... best job ever... the people i work with are absolutely AMAZING! it's great to be around people who are from different backgrounds and cultures... i can't always understand what they're saying to me... but i love being around them none the less...

now onto the juicy stuff... dating...

i've been seeing about 3 guys... one of them is not really worth mentioning... so i won't... so let's just say i've been seeing 2 guys...

Eric... *sigh* what can i say... he's great... 5'8... pretty smile... college grad... nice home... smells amazing... calls... great convo... always pays... all around great guy... i just don't think i have a physical connection with him... but i'm thinking that maybe it can grow over time... just trying to figure out where it's going... i'm really thinking he's gonna end up in the friend box... just don't know how to tell him that... or if i should tell him that at all... you don't want to kill a vibe you know...

Ross... *BIGGER SIGH* if were to ask me to be his woman right now i would say yes... he's amazing... and there not doubt in my mind that i could fall in love with him... he makes me smile... he accepts me for who i am... and i really think i'm falling in love with him... the only problem is i have no clue how he feels about me... and i kinda don't want to know... i like how things are going right now... slow... and... steady... don't want to start asking questions... even more so because i'm not sure how i really feel right now...

oh... btw... these to old ass women at my job are hating on me... because they're ovaries don't work... and they're husbands spank it me every night...


Nola*

taking a break...

UGH!!!! i've been trying to sort out my feelings... this year has been full of ups... and downs... but all in all i've been very... VERY blessed... i'm at a turning point in my life... and i just need to sort a few things out... so i'll be back in a bit... love u guys...

Nola*

booo friday... hellooooo. Saturday... and SUNDAY!

so... i have finally gotten over the ex... like totally... like... i would never... EVER think of going back... well... maybe not never... (wait... re-thinks...) yeah... never... i'd go gay before i'd go back to him... and not judging anyone but donut bumping just isn't my thing...

so... friday... i went to this poetry slam at my church... it was amazing... i'm apart of the photography ministry... so i took a few flicks... listened the lovely poet's... and took it in... but i was still feeling a little sucky...

Sat started feeling better... had a talk with my mom... she called my ex a F*(! fag... and told me i was to good for him... and this time i really believed it.... cause i am... the way i treat a dude... i deserve a man that's going to dag on drink my bath water...

so... i met up with G... young man... he's 22... it kinda disappointed me that i found out he was under the limit that i usually date guys... but i was like hey... let's just go with it... surprisingly he was quiet amazing... talkative... but not in a way that i wanted to chew my right arm off... and stab myself in the ear... but in a good way... we hit up the tyler perry movie... and then went to dinner... he paid... he made me laugh... i took him home... and went home... and went to sleep... all in all... a good night... with a good guy...

oh... oh... oh... Sunday... Sunday... and yes... i just sung that...
i digress...

i have been peeping this guy at my church... he's light skinned... 6'4ish... green eyes... wait... i need to cap that... GREEN EYES!!!!!! And his name... well... let's call him Ricky Ross... (back to code names... don't judge me...) i grabbed this guy... who knows him... who tried to talk to me a while back... but he was getting married... and married people have aids... and i don't fools with aids... so... we made a brief introduction... he seemed kinda slow... but i'm shallow... and he has green eyes... so i can look past that... anywho... we exchange info... and he asks me to give him a call around 8... i call a little after 8... he didn't pick up... so i leave a message... he calls back shortly after... like 15 min shortly after... which is a plus... he tells me that he's dropping someone off around my way... (my dog just pooted... i'm moving outside by the pond...) he's kinda sounding like he wanted to ask to stop by... but doesn't come right out and say it cause it's like 9pm... he seems like a gentleman... so i then say... "well... if you like to stop by... feel free..." he asks if i wanted something to eat... i decline... cause i just finished watch the deadskins get that butt whooped... and munching on wings at outback... (shot-out to Glo) he comes over... we watch trueblood... well i tried to... but the conversation was going well... so i decided to watch it tomorrow on onDemand... we talked some more... watched a movie... he made me laugh... we fell asleep... he woke up... and asked me if i cuddled (i thought that was so sweet that he asked...) he held me close... and i exhaled... i can't remember the last time that i've done that... like really done that... and i want to get to know him better... and take it slow... and take walks in the park... and eat sushi (HE LIKE SUSHI!!!) and go museums... and maybe out of town... and if he makes it past the 90 day mark... maybe... wait... sorry... getting ahead of myself... he's cool... i like... have reservations... but i like... oh... and he's not slow... he just doesn't talk very fast...

sidenotes...
i've had 2 hrs of sleep in 2 days... and i'm going to the gym... cause i don't want to be fat... and as alwasys... i'm all over the place...

Nola*

dear rebounds... kick rocks...

why is it that when you get out of a relationship... all of the dudes that you use to talk to somehow find out... and start callin... a rebound nigga is the LAST thing that i need in my life right now... all i need is God... and me... my friends... and my fam... dating is sooooo not in the picture right now...

i wish people would realize that a rebound is not healing the pain that you feel inside... it's just masking it... it's still gonna be there... and it's only gonna get worse... cause you wind up hurting someone else... and hurting yourself more as well...

there is nothing wrong with taking time by yourself to heal... it's actually better that way...

so rebounds... stop sending flowers... stop calling for dinner... or just to say hi... all you want to do is see what color my panties are anyways... and just KICK ROCKS!!!!

Nola*

P.S. i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! LOL!

worst vacation EVER!!!!!

so... i've been away for a while... you know the deal...

the brandon and I are no longer... and honestly it's for the best... but i'll get to that a little later...

let's get into the vaca...

him and i have been having a few issues... so what better to revive a relationship than take a mini vacation! WRONG... total fail... lol

i go online and find this amazing bed and breakfast spot in VA beach... it's also a spa... so i also book him and i a couples massage... not to mention i found this aquarium that will let you swim with the seal for a small fee (and when i say small i mean $125 each small... lol)

so we get through the drive... and we had a good time together... he seemed pretty distant... but i was like it will get better through the weekend... Thursday was cool... we ate... and chilled... but at the same time something just seemed to be wrong... but again... i felt that it would get better after the weekend... wrong... got worse... i mean... everything we did he seemed to push me away more and more... i tried to get close to him in bed... nothing... i tried to hold him while we were in the hot tub... nothing... i tried to kiss him... NOTHING! so finally i'm like... ok... look... what is going on... we get into what was just suppose to be a small discussion... and automatically he decides that he always get to this point... and he says... and I quote "making you happy feels like a chore... and I don't want anything i do to be fake... i just can't do this..." lost and confused i begin to cry... and beg for him to stay... mind you i love this man... and have put everything i have plus more into this relationship... so you're dag on right i'm going to fight for it... long story short... i sat in bed all day Saturday... crying... on what was suppose to be a wonderful vacation... at the end of the trip we decided to just take some space and figure things out...

during that time... (it was only a day...) i realized a few things... love does not eat away at who you are as a person... it enhances you... brandon was becoming a cancer to me... and eating away at the beautiful person that Tiffany (i'm Tiffany... lol... and also Nola Darling...) is... the person i was when i was with him was not me... i'm happy... i'm loving... i'm a writer... i love talking and being with my friends... and when i was with brandon... i did none of that... i barely updated my blog... or called my friends... or just enjoyed life... my sole concentration was on our relationship... which was destroying other relationships that i had... so intern... it was clear that i had to do one of the hardest things i had done in a long time... i had to cut things off completely with someone i felt that i was suppose to spend the rest of my life with...

now... he's not a bad guy... he is actually and amazing person... but i will say that he is a TERRIBLE boyfriend...

i got a lot out of the relationship... i found that i can be in a committed relationship... even when things get bad... i've grown closer to God... but most of all... i've learned how to love... really love...

i want a man who loves me... ever bit of me... and who wants to make me happy just as much as i want to make them happy... and i have no clue what the future holds... but i know that there is someone out there that is just for me... and i am so excited about taking this hard... wonderful... painful... loving... ugly... and beautiful journey... into finding love...

*Nola