worst vacation EVER!!!!!

so... i've been away for a while... you know the deal...

the brandon and I are no longer... and honestly it's for the best... but i'll get to that a little later...

let's get into the vaca...

him and i have been having a few issues... so what better to revive a relationship than take a mini vacation! WRONG... total fail... lol

i go online and find this amazing bed and breakfast spot in VA beach... it's also a spa... so i also book him and i a couples massage... not to mention i found this aquarium that will let you swim with the seal for a small fee (and when i say small i mean $125 each small... lol)

so we get through the drive... and we had a good time together... he seemed pretty distant... but i was like it will get better through the weekend... Thursday was cool... we ate... and chilled... but at the same time something just seemed to be wrong... but again... i felt that it would get better after the weekend... wrong... got worse... i mean... everything we did he seemed to push me away more and more... i tried to get close to him in bed... nothing... i tried to hold him while we were in the hot tub... nothing... i tried to kiss him... NOTHING! so finally i'm like... ok... look... what is going on... we get into what was just suppose to be a small discussion... and automatically he decides that he always get to this point... and he says... and I quote "making you happy feels like a chore... and I don't want anything i do to be fake... i just can't do this..." lost and confused i begin to cry... and beg for him to stay... mind you i love this man... and have put everything i have plus more into this relationship... so you're dag on right i'm going to fight for it... long story short... i sat in bed all day Saturday... crying... on what was suppose to be a wonderful vacation... at the end of the trip we decided to just take some space and figure things out...

during that time... (it was only a day...) i realized a few things... love does not eat away at who you are as a person... it enhances you... brandon was becoming a cancer to me... and eating away at the beautiful person that Tiffany (i'm Tiffany... lol... and also Nola Darling...) is... the person i was when i was with him was not me... i'm happy... i'm loving... i'm a writer... i love talking and being with my friends... and when i was with brandon... i did none of that... i barely updated my blog... or called my friends... or just enjoyed life... my sole concentration was on our relationship... which was destroying other relationships that i had... so intern... it was clear that i had to do one of the hardest things i had done in a long time... i had to cut things off completely with someone i felt that i was suppose to spend the rest of my life with...

now... he's not a bad guy... he is actually and amazing person... but i will say that he is a TERRIBLE boyfriend...

i got a lot out of the relationship... i found that i can be in a committed relationship... even when things get bad... i've grown closer to God... but most of all... i've learned how to love... really love...

i want a man who loves me... ever bit of me... and who wants to make me happy just as much as i want to make them happy... and i have no clue what the future holds... but i know that there is someone out there that is just for me... and i am so excited about taking this hard... wonderful... painful... loving... ugly... and beautiful journey... into finding love...

*Nola