Lots has happened... Good... and bad... but that's life...
The bestie and I are no longer as close as we use to be... I miss her terribly... but people are in your life for seasons... and our 12 year season I feel has come to a close... I won't get into what my reason is... or what I think her reason is... but I guess it's necessary on both parts...
Ny and I have had a really rough month... things are starting to get back to normal... but sadly, some days... I think this is just the beginning of the end...
Now I know every relationship has it's problems... but these problems are starting to take a tole on the person that I am... There was a week were I literally cried at least twice a day... everyday... there were two days where the only thing that I could stomach to eat was crackers... and I only had like 4 of those... there was two days that went by where I did not sleep... I honestly felt like I was falling into a mild depression...
And on the real... I feel like I'm losing him... I feel like he's just waiting for the next best thing to come along... I feel like he's no longer in love with me...
I could handle him just telling me he's not sure about us... but he puts a mask over what I feel are his true feelings by saying, "Babe... everything is fine..." my gut tells me otherwise... and my gut... is rarely wrong...
I just wish things could go back to the way they use to be... when we were so in love... and he was so fascinated by me... and he wanted to spend every waking moment with me... and always called... and didn't forget about me... forget about the things that made me happy... but the truth is things never go back to being the same... they either get better or get worse...
It seems like the only time he feels the need to fight for me is when I'm walking out the door... the only time he fights is when there a trauma in the relationship... I can't understand why he has to wait til then to show he loves me...
He seems to want to go out to bars more... when I ask... hey... you want to hook up? he say "Uh... I might be going out tonight..." or "...they boys and I might hit up a bar..."
Then there are all the questions that go unanswered... I really feel sometime he goes behind my back and does dirt... Can't really prove it... and honestly... at this point... I don't want to...
I wish I could go back to the good old days... when love was only about candy and holding hands...
Nola*
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
funerals... bulls tickets... and feelings
yep... i'm pissed... and i'm probably gonna be that way for a while...
Ny went to the Bulls vs Wizards game last night... at first he said he wasn't going... then at the 11th hour he decided to get tickets...
now salty is an understatement for what i was... i had already expressed to him that i had REALLY wanted to go to the game... but he had his money tied up in a few things so i understood why he didn't want to buy the tickets... so i proceeded to make a doctors appt. and hit the gym afterwards... now i could have rescheduled that gym... but my doctor charges you a missed appt fee if you don't cancel in 24 hrs... (this is gonna be one of those rambling blogs... just stay with me... i'm gonna bring it in...)
Ny has ALWAYS been the type to wait to the last minute... nothing is ever planned with us... even when we're going to make plans... he'll call me 1 hour before and be like... what do you want to do... it's NEVER... hey... i got something planned for us... it sucks to be thought of at the last minute... i don't feel like a priority at ALL...
trying to talk to him is useless... cause he winds up yelling... and me crying... and i just don't feel like dealing with it today... or this week...
i'm trying help plan a funeral... my Godfather passed a month ago... (yes... a month) he's being buried in Arlington Cemetery... and i'm driving to Philly for the 1st funeral... and then driving back to VA for burial... i hate funerals... and i've just been really trying to have a positive outlook on the whole thing... and not be a Debbie Downer... but shit... i've reach my breaking point.... i'm just over this whole thing at this point...
i don't feel he cares about my feelings...
yeah... relationships suck today... all this feelings and trying to make shit work is for the birds...
Nola*
Ny went to the Bulls vs Wizards game last night... at first he said he wasn't going... then at the 11th hour he decided to get tickets...
now salty is an understatement for what i was... i had already expressed to him that i had REALLY wanted to go to the game... but he had his money tied up in a few things so i understood why he didn't want to buy the tickets... so i proceeded to make a doctors appt. and hit the gym afterwards... now i could have rescheduled that gym... but my doctor charges you a missed appt fee if you don't cancel in 24 hrs... (this is gonna be one of those rambling blogs... just stay with me... i'm gonna bring it in...)
Ny has ALWAYS been the type to wait to the last minute... nothing is ever planned with us... even when we're going to make plans... he'll call me 1 hour before and be like... what do you want to do... it's NEVER... hey... i got something planned for us... it sucks to be thought of at the last minute... i don't feel like a priority at ALL...
trying to talk to him is useless... cause he winds up yelling... and me crying... and i just don't feel like dealing with it today... or this week...
i'm trying help plan a funeral... my Godfather passed a month ago... (yes... a month) he's being buried in Arlington Cemetery... and i'm driving to Philly for the 1st funeral... and then driving back to VA for burial... i hate funerals... and i've just been really trying to have a positive outlook on the whole thing... and not be a Debbie Downer... but shit... i've reach my breaking point.... i'm just over this whole thing at this point...
i don't feel he cares about my feelings...
yeah... relationships suck today... all this feelings and trying to make shit work is for the birds...
Nola*
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
the boyfriend and i had an amazing weekend... we went to the National Baltimore Aquarium... saw some fish and shit... hit a couple of food spot (i got a little tipsy) went back to the hotel... and made woopie... good ole' fashion woopie...
he really opened up to me during dinner on Saturday night... he talked to me about his past relationship with his ex and why they didn't work out... he asked me questions about my last relationship and why i stayed with him, even though i cheated on him for 5 of the 6 years we were together... and i gave him upfront and honest answers...
so i thought this would be perfect time to talk about the few issues i have with his family... which actually has nothing to deal with their personalities... but more so to deal with the current health of them...
i really thought that my concern was valid... being that i may be the person to bare his children one day... but once i brought up the subject i was quickly shut down and put in my place...
i hit a nerve... a big one... and when someone becomes defensive about something that can indicate that there is a serious matter below the surface...
but it's going to have to be talked about... even if it means a knock down drag out fight... (and i's knows how to whoops some ass)
Nola*
he really opened up to me during dinner on Saturday night... he talked to me about his past relationship with his ex and why they didn't work out... he asked me questions about my last relationship and why i stayed with him, even though i cheated on him for 5 of the 6 years we were together... and i gave him upfront and honest answers...
so i thought this would be perfect time to talk about the few issues i have with his family... which actually has nothing to deal with their personalities... but more so to deal with the current health of them...
i really thought that my concern was valid... being that i may be the person to bare his children one day... but once i brought up the subject i was quickly shut down and put in my place...
i hit a nerve... a big one... and when someone becomes defensive about something that can indicate that there is a serious matter below the surface...
but it's going to have to be talked about... even if it means a knock down drag out fight... (and i's knows how to whoops some ass)
Nola*
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
30 Day letter challenge...
Let's see how this works... Write 1 letter ever day... about a particular subject...
Day 1... Your best friend...
Dear Dee Dee,
You rock... and i'll run that sushi eatin x boyfriend of yours over with my 8 speed... don't worry about where you are right now in life... you're right were you're suppose to be... I love you... ur a big ole' buddle of amazing... and don't you forget it...
Love,
Tiffany*
Day 1... Your best friend...
Dear Dee Dee,
You rock... and i'll run that sushi eatin x boyfriend of yours over with my 8 speed... don't worry about where you are right now in life... you're right were you're suppose to be... I love you... ur a big ole' buddle of amazing... and don't you forget it...
Love,
Tiffany*
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
x boyfriend... fuck off...
just letting you know ahead of time... this is about to be an angry black girl post...
as some of you might have read in previous post... i was in a 6 year relationshit... yeah... i spell it right... relation capital S H I T... fuck all that... he's a good guy... we just weren't meant for each... nigga was an inconsiderate BROKE asshole... yeah... i'll admit i was a dumb for sticking with his ass for so long... and yeah... i cheated on him for 5 of the 6 years we were together... (say something...) but the point of this blog is not to bash him... the point of this blog is to tell him to FUCK OFF.
both of us have moved onto different relationship... and i feel when you move on to a new relationship... you cut off all ties to friends and family that were made in you old relationship... if you didn't want to make me happy... leave my family the fuck alone...
Drew (that's the x's name) called my father up and asked him to lunch... mind you out of the 6 years we were together i can recall this lame broke nigga paying 4 times... (yes... sad... i know... even sadder that i put up with it...) and now you want buy my father food... fuck you... i don't care if he see's him as a father figure... HE'S MY FATHER... not urs... and it's not my fault you don't know you're daddy... go find his ass and then you won't have to worry about find a father figure...
wooooosaahhhhhhh.... okay... i'm done... just had to get that out...
Nola*
PS... Method Man can get it... sexy sexy sexy...
as some of you might have read in previous post... i was in a 6 year relationshit... yeah... i spell it right... relation capital S H I T... fuck all that... he's a good guy... we just weren't meant for each... nigga was an inconsiderate BROKE asshole... yeah... i'll admit i was a dumb for sticking with his ass for so long... and yeah... i cheated on him for 5 of the 6 years we were together... (say something...) but the point of this blog is not to bash him... the point of this blog is to tell him to FUCK OFF.
both of us have moved onto different relationship... and i feel when you move on to a new relationship... you cut off all ties to friends and family that were made in you old relationship... if you didn't want to make me happy... leave my family the fuck alone...
Drew (that's the x's name) called my father up and asked him to lunch... mind you out of the 6 years we were together i can recall this lame broke nigga paying 4 times... (yes... sad... i know... even sadder that i put up with it...) and now you want buy my father food... fuck you... i don't care if he see's him as a father figure... HE'S MY FATHER... not urs... and it's not my fault you don't know you're daddy... go find his ass and then you won't have to worry about find a father figure...
wooooosaahhhhhhh.... okay... i'm done... just had to get that out...
Nola*
PS... Method Man can get it... sexy sexy sexy...
stupid shit v day
so... Ny and i celebrated out 2nd v day together...
those first time butterflies that were inside my stomach last year have clearly been pooped out since the last v day... but none the less... it was a pretty good night...
his father had to go out of town on business... so he asked would it be ok if his mom and sister joined us for dinner... we ate at a place called DogFish Head ... Which is a pretty chill spot... really cute for date night... we had reservation for 6:30... but were late... because of his mother and sister... which i really didn't get since they were home all day long... but... moving on...
when i first walked in... Ny brought up this huge balloon... i cringed at the sight of it... it said HAPPY VALENTINES DAY... i know he meant well... but i just reached my breaking point with him buying me stupid shit... (i'm about to skip around) later on after dinner... he also gave me a HUGE box of chocolates (which i don't need... as i put another one in my mouth...) flower (which i loved...) strawberries (i guess they were ok...) and some chocolate syrup (0_o)... after all of this i decided to have a small talk with him about his gift selection for me...
i really didn't want to sound ungrateful... but i just don't want him wasting his money on stuff i think is stupid shit... so i simply asked "Ny...do you know the things i like?" he responded "yes, i think so..." and i then said... "well, to let you know... i like flowers... going to museums... Pandora Charms ... and cards... to which he responded... "well i'm sorry i bought you a bunch of crap..." i can understand why he responded like this... but i really felt this conversation was necessary so this stupid shit buying doesn't happen in the future... and hopefully he'll look at the situation from my point of view... at least you have a girlfriend that doesn't expect you to read her mind... i tell you what i like... and if you decided to get me something i don't like... don't expect me to jump up and down like you've done something spectacular... that whole "it's the thought that counts" is bullshit in my book... that's like me taking him to a place that serves ALL spicy food... (he's not to fond of spicy) and being like... baby get whatever you want... it's all on me! MY TREAT!!!!!
sorry for the rant... i get like this sometimes... but anyways... i love him... he loves me... and we're enjoying this relationship... and that's what matter... (but if he buys me another stupid ass balloon i'm gonna shove it down his throat...)
Nola*
those first time butterflies that were inside my stomach last year have clearly been pooped out since the last v day... but none the less... it was a pretty good night...
his father had to go out of town on business... so he asked would it be ok if his mom and sister joined us for dinner... we ate at a place called DogFish Head ... Which is a pretty chill spot... really cute for date night... we had reservation for 6:30... but were late... because of his mother and sister... which i really didn't get since they were home all day long... but... moving on...
when i first walked in... Ny brought up this huge balloon... i cringed at the sight of it... it said HAPPY VALENTINES DAY... i know he meant well... but i just reached my breaking point with him buying me stupid shit... (i'm about to skip around) later on after dinner... he also gave me a HUGE box of chocolates (which i don't need... as i put another one in my mouth...) flower (which i loved...) strawberries (i guess they were ok...) and some chocolate syrup (0_o)... after all of this i decided to have a small talk with him about his gift selection for me...
i really didn't want to sound ungrateful... but i just don't want him wasting his money on stuff i think is stupid shit... so i simply asked "Ny...do you know the things i like?" he responded "yes, i think so..." and i then said... "well, to let you know... i like flowers... going to museums... Pandora Charms ... and cards... to which he responded... "well i'm sorry i bought you a bunch of crap..." i can understand why he responded like this... but i really felt this conversation was necessary so this stupid shit buying doesn't happen in the future... and hopefully he'll look at the situation from my point of view... at least you have a girlfriend that doesn't expect you to read her mind... i tell you what i like... and if you decided to get me something i don't like... don't expect me to jump up and down like you've done something spectacular... that whole "it's the thought that counts" is bullshit in my book... that's like me taking him to a place that serves ALL spicy food... (he's not to fond of spicy) and being like... baby get whatever you want... it's all on me! MY TREAT!!!!!
sorry for the rant... i get like this sometimes... but anyways... i love him... he loves me... and we're enjoying this relationship... and that's what matter... (but if he buys me another stupid ass balloon i'm gonna shove it down his throat...)
Nola*
Monday, February 14, 2011
*something i wrote in a card... for Ny...*
hey you,
i literally stood in Hallmark store for like an hour trying to find the perfect card for you... and as i read through one after the other i thought to myself... the only person that can tell him how i feel about him is me...
so... here goes... i love the way our laughter sounds together... i love the way you always reach for my hand... i love the way you look when you sleep... i love the way you always make he happy when i'm upset, even when it's you i'm upset with... i love the way you smell... i love the way you smile... i love the way we make the perfect heart with our hands... i love the way you say "i love you Tiffany..." i love the way you make scrambled eggs... i love the way you brush ur "babes" lol... i love the way you kiss my cheek... i love the way you sing along to music on the radio... i love the way you dance when we have our breakdown session in the car... i love that i can always seem to make you smile... i love the way you always to stuff "just because"... but most of all... i love the way that you love me...
Tiffany*
hey you,
i literally stood in Hallmark store for like an hour trying to find the perfect card for you... and as i read through one after the other i thought to myself... the only person that can tell him how i feel about him is me...
so... here goes... i love the way our laughter sounds together... i love the way you always reach for my hand... i love the way you look when you sleep... i love the way you always make he happy when i'm upset, even when it's you i'm upset with... i love the way you smell... i love the way you smile... i love the way we make the perfect heart with our hands... i love the way you say "i love you Tiffany..." i love the way you make scrambled eggs... i love the way you brush ur "babes" lol... i love the way you kiss my cheek... i love the way you sing along to music on the radio... i love the way you dance when we have our breakdown session in the car... i love that i can always seem to make you smile... i love the way you always to stuff "just because"... but most of all... i love the way that you love me...
Tiffany*
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