Lots has happened... Good... and bad... but that's life...
The bestie and I are no longer as close as we use to be... I miss her terribly... but people are in your life for seasons... and our 12 year season I feel has come to a close... I won't get into what my reason is... or what I think her reason is... but I guess it's necessary on both parts...
Ny and I have had a really rough month... things are starting to get back to normal... but sadly, some days... I think this is just the beginning of the end...
Now I know every relationship has it's problems... but these problems are starting to take a tole on the person that I am... There was a week were I literally cried at least twice a day... everyday... there were two days where the only thing that I could stomach to eat was crackers... and I only had like 4 of those... there was two days that went by where I did not sleep... I honestly felt like I was falling into a mild depression...
And on the real... I feel like I'm losing him... I feel like he's just waiting for the next best thing to come along... I feel like he's no longer in love with me...
I could handle him just telling me he's not sure about us... but he puts a mask over what I feel are his true feelings by saying, "Babe... everything is fine..." my gut tells me otherwise... and my gut... is rarely wrong...
I just wish things could go back to the way they use to be... when we were so in love... and he was so fascinated by me... and he wanted to spend every waking moment with me... and always called... and didn't forget about me... forget about the things that made me happy... but the truth is things never go back to being the same... they either get better or get worse...
It seems like the only time he feels the need to fight for me is when I'm walking out the door... the only time he fights is when there a trauma in the relationship... I can't understand why he has to wait til then to show he loves me...
He seems to want to go out to bars more... when I ask... hey... you want to hook up? he say "Uh... I might be going out tonight..." or "...they boys and I might hit up a bar..."
Then there are all the questions that go unanswered... I really feel sometime he goes behind my back and does dirt... Can't really prove it... and honestly... at this point... I don't want to...
I wish I could go back to the good old days... when love was only about candy and holding hands...
Nola*
3 comments:
Hey Nola,
Glad to see you are posting, but feel bad that things aren't going the way you want them to.
Now, I'm usually not one to give advice or advise anyone, but here's my take on what's taking place with Ny and yourself. You say he waits until you are ready to give him your walking papers to fight for you. Ok, I honestly believe that he's not being sincere, because any man that truly loves his woman will get down to the wire to want to salvage something worth fighting for. That's point #1.
#2: when a man starts changing his usual habits toward you in a way that is far to the left or right, something is really going on. And like you said, you have the gut feeling that things are not right...DON'T IGNORE THAT FEELING. I say just don't pursue anything like questioning or spying, etc. Let that tidbit of information come to you. Let it fall on your lap, and when it does, that would be your "out" when you are ready to give Ny your walking papers.
Nola, we all go through our sentimental moments when we want things to be better than what they are, but some things you have to let go of. Time has come and gone, and nothing stays the same for a long time. All I can say is deal with what's in the moment and move forward. At the end of the day, only YOU have to deal with you.
Take care and DO YOU. XOXO.
oops, I made a typo on the first statement. I meant to say won't.
Hey pretty lady... thanks for dropping your jewels... pun intended... ;-)
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