stop being happy and get in here and be miserable!

have you ever ran into someone that is just tooooooo freaking happy????

i mean... like ball of sunshine... Disney special... everything is great with the world type happy...

almost to the point that it annoys you... well... i ran into a guy like that a little while ago...

i digress...

went to spin class the other day... i was late... so i didn't get the bike that i wanted to... and most of the bikes

were taken... but luckily the instructor gave me hers... and put me right in front of the big ol' bundle of happy

named Jerry...

Jerry is about 5'5... pretty smile... even though he has braces... and just full of life... clapping his hands to the

music... constantly encourage those around him... even though he didn't know them... and just being...

happy... toooo freakin happy...

now at first i was pretty annoyed... cause i was having a bad day and didn't understand why the

hell he was so

happy that he wasn't being miserable like myself...

then i thought... he probably had a bad day... but he is choosing to be happy... so instead of taking my happy

antibiotics... i decided to let him cough a bunch of happy on me... and caught his happy bug...

and it feels pretty good...

Nola*

The "Fool Hardy Love"

after reading this blog by J Skittles... it made me write this...

have you every loved someone so much that you would hold their hand through whatever???

i'm not talking about nigga cheated on me... or he's doesn't always act right... i'm talking about he's paralyzed from the neck down... or he's struggling with his sexuality... that type of love...

well... i've loved like this... one time... and one time only... i digress...

met this guy about a year ago... Mo... and fell hard... i'm talkin bout... can't eat... can't sleep... found my soul mate... cuttin off any other niggas type hard... i really though i had found "the one"

but a few months later... i come to find that he wasn't the one... Mo was struggling with his sexuality... (yeah... it sucked ass...) but because i loved him so much... and was in love with him... i was willing to stand by him and help him through this situation... but in the end... he left... (as a matter of fact... he broke up with me on vacation...)

this was my first and only time being in love...

now the present...

as of right now i'm ready to love again... i'm just very careful who i choose to give my love to... it's very easy for me to walk away from a situation if i see that it's not working... matter of fact... i date niggas in two week increments... every two weeks you're up for review... and if you're not putting up good points... you're getting cut... i don't really stand for much bullshit... if any...

just the other day... i had to break it down to Ny... look... at some point i have to be comfortable with dating you... and right now i'm not... now... i don't feel like i'm asking for anything crazy... i just need to know that we eventually want the same things out of each other... we don't have to be on the same page... but we do need to be reading from the same book... feel me? i've put him on notice... the next few weeks will tell... but if i had to make a decisions right now... i'd probably role... but we we'll see... i don't have anything to loose by letting the situation play out... and he is a pretty amazing guy...

that "Fool Hardy Love" was the best and the worst thing i've every been through... it taught me how to love... that unselfish... pure love... and i'm glad that i had the opportunity to love like that...

Nola*

random fact about me... i blog naked... ok bye... lol

sometimes we create the very people that we don't want to be with...

relationships can be tough... super tough... i mean... tough like outback steakhouse steak tough (i hate their steaks btw... their drinks are pretty delectable though...)

but i think the only reason they can be so complicated is because we make them that way... instead of learning to love the person we're with for who they are at the present time, we want them to be the idea of what we think they should be...

so... here are a few of the things that i've learned from the men that i've dealt with... and i'm currently dealing with...

• you can't make anyone feel how you want them to feel about you... if they love you... they will... if they don't... then they won't...
• feelings between two people do not develop at the same pace... (at least that's how i see it) one person will sometimes give a little more than the other... as long as both parties understand they are working toward a certain goal, and both parties feel that the situation is healthy... i think the relationship will grow...
• sex doesn't do shit but complicate the situation more... (ladies... get a dildo... it will keep you from making bad dick decisions...)
• guys... the stupid shit matters... i.e. calling just to say hi... texts messages in the morning... playing in our hair... or cards are quick ways to keep us from acting crazy....
• ladies... do not expect men to just figure out what you like... i.e. if he's not calling you enough... tell him... if you like flowers... tell him... if you want to see him... TELL HIM!!!! guys cannot read your mind... they're visual and verbal creatures... not emotional like us...
• just because a person doesn't love you the way you want them to love you... doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have... i.e. if i asked him for $20 and he only has $5 and he give me that $5 i should appreciate that he is giving me all that he has... feel me?

in closing... the only difference between ordinary and extraordinary is the "extra"...

Nola*

OMG... Mother Nature Needs a Swift Ass whoopin...

snow... everywhere... i mean... i am so over this biggity bullshit... i swear... this snow makes me think that winter will never freakin end...

i've been eating everything in site... thank God that i still have a good metabolism... or my ass would be back to 190... yeah... i was 190... still holding at 165... lol

Ny came to see me... in all this mess... makes me like him more... ok jeez... i'm falling in love with him... there i said it... just when i was happy being single... here he comes... and makes me want to be in a relationship... but timing is everything... so i've kinda been avoiding the whole... relationship conversation... but i guess i'll break down in the next few weeks... movin on...

i've realized a lot in this whole being snowed in thing...

• my parents are amazing... and totally in love... i want to love someone like that...
• my dog is also amazing... and has a lot of personality... more than most people...
• i love making art...
• i love being alone... and just having me time... i'm pretty cool once i get to know me... lol
• everything taste good when you're bored...

welll ta ta for now...

Nola*

so i'll make this simple... (Dear Ny)

you have a tendency to ask me "what are you thinking about?" and i almost always give you a half answer... so today... i've decided to step outside my normal guarded self... and take a serious risk... one that i haven't taken in a long time... tell you everything... so here goes...

• i can see myself falling for you... and i didn't pack a shoot... i wish i did... but if you're not expecting to fall... you don't carry around a parachute on your back...
• i just want to be someone who makes you happy...
• i miss you when you're away...
• i can't wait til i see you again...

i've known you a month... and i would have never expected to feel this way about someone so soon... i'm usually the one who is always so "by the book" so sure of herself... i'm the person who everyone talks about having... but no one can get... but with you... for some reason... all of the has changed...

i've known guys for over a year and they've never seen the inside of my house... and def haven't seen the inside of my room... and have never meet my parents... but you have...

but the main thing that consumes my thoughts... is this question...

is this ok? is it ok to like you? is it ok to want more with you? is it ok to miss you? is it ok to want to see you? is it ok?

so... there you have it... now you know what i'm thinking... and how i feel... i just hope... that maybe... just maybe... there's a part of you that feels the same...

*sigh* I WILL NOT LIKE HIM!!!!

*side bar* for some reason i'm watching "The Bucket List" in Spanish... me no speaka dat...

i've really been doing good when it comes to dating... and trying to make sure i stay single for now... but new years day... i think i may have actually met THE ONE... i digress...

kicking it at lucky strikes with a few friends... i see a couple of classmates from VSU and this guy (i didn't know him...)... i was still bowling at the time... so i waited for after my go to walk over and say hi to them... i went over to the bar section and look for my fellow alumnus... i didn't see them... but i saw a young man that was with them... so i walked over to him and asked if he knew my two classmates that i saw earlier... he said yes... and that they had went to the restroom... so i then introduced myself to him... and told him that i went to college with the two... by this time my classmates came out of the potty... lol

spoke to my classmates... caught up on old times... but then... my attention kinda drifted back to the guy i just met... let's call him "Lucky" cause i met him at Lucky Strikes... lol... i asked for the credentials on him from my college buddy... he gave me the thumbs up... and i then began to work my charm... lol...

we talked for a few... and exchanged numbers... i told him i would call... and he said he would look forward to it...

so i go back over to my other friends to finish up bowling... but was beginning to get sober... so i head back to the bar for a Brewski... i'm sitting there about to order and Lucky comes up to the bar to talk to me again... now... most times i would find this annoying... but for some reason... i didn't mind it at all... we talked... i decided to sit at the bar... we talked some more... and next thing i knew... i had missed all of my turns for bowling... and had been sitting there with him for over a hr...

his conversation was intriguing... his looks were very... very easy on the eyes... and his way were charming... and he seems so genuine... he's looking for everything that i'm looking for out of a relationship... which i didn't think that i could find... but i asked God to send me someone with certain things about them... and i think this might be him... time will tell (yeah i know... it's only been a few days... but it's kinda funny that he's exactly down to the socks what i'm looking for... lol) but we shall see... lol

Nola*

sometimes u just gotta grab life by the balls...

status: single... and actually happy...

looking for: man... with job... preferable no kids (i'm flexible with this one, but you HAVE to have a good relationship with your child's mother... i don't do baby mama drama)... believes in God or a higher being... and is not crazy (not flexible with this one)

i'm really at a point where i don't have time for the bull... if you're not trying to start something substantial with me... i'm only gonna entertain you for so long...

most of the guys i have been dating might actually see themselves being with me... and they tend to express that to me in dull boring ways... but i guess right now i just can't see myself being with any of them... it's just two many red flags going up... way back when i use to ignore those... but now... i see them and just move on to the next one...

and while i'm not dealing with bull... what i am dealing with is apprehension and insecurity... in my eyes there's nothing wrong with apprehension... to me that's just God telling me that there's something wrong... and to move on... or to take my time and feel the situation out... but insecurity sometimes can keep you from missing out on your blessing...

the only two things i want right now out of life is: to be happy... no matter where God puts me... and for clarity... if i'm suppose to go right... i want to know that i'm suppose to go right... if i'm going left... i don't want to feel that i'm suppose to be going right...

there's just something that been tugging at my heart... sometimes it's a whisper... and sometimes it gets so loud that i can't focus on anything else... i just can't put my finger on what it is...

but i know one thing... i'm gonna enjoy this ride... and not worry about where it's gonna take me... grabbin life by the balls and not letting go... ;-)

Nola*