WHO THE HELL LET THAT BABY LADY IN HERE!!!!!

*i realized something about myself this weekend... i don't like to see stripper completely naked... but i'll get to this later in the blog...*

*also... i sooooo love my readers... yall rock!!! and i looooooooooves your stuff too!*

so... i went out on a date friday... his name is Aaron... but for now we shall call him Ne-Yo... (i'll explain the nickname later...)

i met Ne-Yo at the gym... i had been checking him out for like a month... we would make small talk... he would say stuff like... "girl you need to stop walking around here... looking all cute and workout..." so finally... about a week ago... he walks me to my car... and i get the digits...

back to the date...

i pick him up... (i'm not old fashion at all... plus i don't like niggas knowing where i live...) we head out to Adams Morgan to my favi spot... Evolve...

i realized a few things i don't like about him from the jump...

1... he talks to damn much...

2... the nigga pops gum like a bitch...

so... we get to Evolve... grab a seat at the bar... have some good conversation... eat... and take a few shots...

we then roll down to the hookah bar...

at this point i'm a little tipsy... and when i get tipsy... i start speaking my mind...

i let him know that he pops gum like 20 times... he laughs... and removes his gum... i also notice that he always wears a hat... even in the gym... i ask can i see him without his hat... he seems a little reluctant to remove it... but he does... and i then understand why he always wears a hat... he has the Ne-Yo syndrome...

he then insisted that he needs a hair cut... i then insisted that he needs to stay away from the barber shop... he hasn't called me since friday...

this weekend my birthday month officially kicked off... and we followed the sacred tradition of going to the strip club...

now for those of you that don't know... in Maryland it is against the law for exotic dancers to totally expose themselves... but in D.C. it's fair game...

the show we went to was in D.C.

they got naked... bucket... naked...

and i felt a little disgusted...

now... i love penis... but at this show... it was to much of it in my face...

the venue we went to was hood... i mean... very... very hood... i mean like... big bitch's was bring in popeye's chicken hood... and bringing your own liquor in the building hood... (i brought a couple bottles of wine ... so i still fall under the classy ho category...)

speaking of big bitch's... here's a couple pics... and most of them had on stuff that they should NOT be wearing... i mean... i wouldn't even wear it... (btw... i have nothing against big girls... i'm thick myself... not a Monique thick... more like and Alicia Keys thick...)

these chicks also had rubbermaid containers full of food... out of line...

something else that was out of line about the show was the female strippers... and no... not the one's that dance like girls... and show their boobies and stuff... the one's that dance like boys... i had to leave the room at this point...

yes... that's a girl stripper... picking up a girl... i was as confused as you are right now... and my girl Nicole had this face for the rest of the night cause of it...

these niggas were rookies... and it showed... and one of them was fat... i refused to give them any money...

yep... he's popping his coochie... damn shame...

and i have no clue why this chick had on a prom dress to go see some strippers...

and i have no clue who let this baby lady in there...

highlight of the night....

so in closing... i learned these valuable lessons this weekend...

1. guys that have the Ne-Yo syndrome pop gum


2. baby ladies get more attention at strip clubs than normal ladies


3. make sure you tip your naked engineers... or strippers...

Nola*

for my thick girls!

the guys love my figure... cause i'm got that thickness thang thang going on...

but sometimes i feel insecure about my thickness... and when i do... i watch this...

gotta love it...

How I lost the weight...

So... recently my body has gone through a bit of a transformation... for people that haven't seen me in a while... it was a major transformation... About a year ago I was 187lbs... *sidebar* sheesh... I can't believe I just said that...*end sidebar I was desperate to loose weight and get back to my former size... *sidebar* in high school I was 125... Very skinny... no boobs... or butt... well I still don't have much of a butt... but I got a lil something to work with.... singing: It's my phatty look at my phatty... wait... getting off subject.... *end sidebar. You know how they say when you get to college you gain 15lbs... Yeah... I gained a little over 60 over the course of 4.5 years...This is my when I was about 187... ok... let me stop fakin... I was like 190...It really started to get to me when I would see my fellow alumnus of Archbishop Carroll High School out and about and they would be like, "Girl what have you been eating... you got big!"
*sidebar... you know that saying if you can't say anything nice don't say anything @ all... let me revise that... if you see someone who has gotten fat... unless you are going to be their personal trainer... SHUT THE F@CK UP!!!! Cause truth be told... I might have gotten fat... BUT AT LEAST I'VE DONE SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE...YOU UNDER ACHIEVING... CAN'T KEEP A JOB... STILL TRYING TO GET RIDES FROM YOUR FRIENDS SORRY MUTHA... Okay... whoosa... whoosa... find your pressure points...*end sidebar*
So... I started doing what any girl who wants to loose weight fast would do... Make a lot of unhealthy decisions to try to take off the excess poundage... *sidebar... The reason I'm cool is because I make up neat words like "poundage.... and sure-digity-did!!! *end sidebar*, I tried diet pills... not eating... and even working out 3 times a day... none of that... and I do mean... none of that worked... I actually gained more weight when I did that... *sidebar* I can't believe I'm about to say this... I got up to 193lbs and if you got something to say about it... your mother's a man... and you’re ugly too. *end sidebar*
Finally, and thank GOD for this man... I met a guy named Rob. Rob is a body builder, and he was absolutely ANAL about everything he ate because he was preparing for a body building competition... We got into a conversation about weight loss and body image. I told him what I had tried in the past to loose weight... and he kindly made a few suggestions to me... He said the key to loosing weight is taking away, and replacing... you take away an unhealthy foods and replace it with ones that will be more beneficial to your body... For example... Instead of grabbing a blow pop to cure your sugar rush, grab a piece of gum... or instead of a donut, grab some fruit and add a little bit of honey on top... *sidebar*... if you freeze the fruit it reminds you ice cream... speaking of ice cream... if it wasn't so cold outside I would soooooo go to Cold Stone and get my favorite milk shake... (Singing: it brings all that boys to the yard... damn right it's...) sorry... I have ADD...*end sidebar*
So I tried it for 3 months... I took away unhealthy carbs, like white rice and white bread, and added brown rice and 100% whole wheat bread to my diet... and ate more natural sugars... like oranges and mangos, rather than engineered sugars like blow pops...And you know what... It worked... I now weigh *sidebar* drum roll please* 158lbs...
Now I'm not going to sit here and say I am totally satisfied with my body... I have my days where I am insecure about my thunder thighs, cellulite... and my tummy... but I am comfortable in my own skin... and I accept that fact that the fat will vanish over night... and want to continue to make natural improvements to my body and also become a healthier me... *sidebar* stretch marks mean two things... either you were big and got small... or you were small and got big... if a n!gga has a problem with it... I advise you stop f@ckin with b!tch n@ggas...-Kate Williams, just seemed like that should be in this sentence... *end sidebar*
So ladies, if you feel that you are fat, or unhealthy or WHATEVER... make the changes for yourself... not anyone else... *sidebar... I can't wait til Friday... Friday is my splurge day... I think I'll get a milkshake... singing: it brings all that boys to the yard... damn right... it's better than yours... I can teach you... but I'll have to charge... Man... ADD can make a note reeeeeeally longer than it should be... sheesh...*end sidebar*