so... i've been in a relationship for close to two months... there are days when it's amazing... and days... well.. days like how I feel today... Ny went out of town this weekend for a basketball tournament (he actually goes out of town often for these things...) initially i was invited to attend(at least that's what i thought I heard) ... but when i brought it up to him... he told me i was mistaken and that he hadn't invited me... i felt some type of way... but decided not to make a big deal of the issue... he left last Thursday... and is coming back today...
now... this weekend was cool... i hit up my friend Dale and had him ride with me to pick up something for Ny... it's always great hanging with him... he an old flame... and him and we have managed to remain good friends... he's supportive of my relationship, just as i am of his...
i then hung out with Yani... we went to a day party... which was a good look... (i'll go into this day party a little more...) i got there before Yani... valeted... (i'm a suburban girl... i don't look for parking... lol) and walked in... i saw one of my former classmates named Jermaine... and i came to find out that it was his party... he gave me a big hug... told me he had some friends he wanted me to meet, and lead me to their table... i was introduced to Jeff and Jay of the Philadelphia Eagles... both stood about 5'9... amazing bodies... Jeff was a little more laid back the Jay... but both were really cool... i introduced myself and gave them a kiss on the cheek... as i usual do when introduced to a young man in the club... they offered me a drink... i kindly declined... and told them that i don't really drink vodka... which they responded by trying to pressure me into having a shot... we sat for a while and chatted... there were a lot of groupies there... and i was NOT trying to be associate with them... so i was little more reserved than usual... but by the end of the party... both Jeff and Jay ended up asking me for my number...
i digress... Ny and i barely spoke this weekend... phone calls were not returned... and texts messages got answered hrs later... if at all... i really felt as though something was going on with him... that shouldn't have been... i felt he was cheating... for more reasons than one... so i was stuck with the decisions... to either let my gut get the best of me... and do "me" like i felt he was doing... or... i could trust my man... and my relationship... and remain faithful...
i made the decision to remain faithful... it wasn't a tough one either... because it's not in my heart to do that to the man i'm in love with...
i'm a firm believer in the statement "you're going to do what's really in your heart"... and i've told Ny countless times... i want you to do what you want to do... if you want to go out here and cheat... and be dishonest with me... do it... because if that's what's in your heart then that's what you're going to do... don't be faithful to me... or for that matter be in a relationship with me and say you're doing it because i want you to... i want you to be with me because YOU want to... don't do me any favors...
at the end of the day i want to be with someone who wants to make me happy... and there are times where Ny does make me happy... but the past few days... i've found myself feeling sad... very sad... like... i want to curl up in a bawl... and listen to Adele... sad...
i mean... that wants to alwasys make me smile... cause that's how i am when i love someone... whatever it takes to make him happy (as long as it doesn't compromise who i am...) i'll do it... i'll go to all of his games... no matter how tired i am... or what i have going on that day... i'll be there... i'll try to do little special things for him every now and then... just to remind him that i love him... and that i care... and most of all i do the things that are important to him... the stuff that matters to him... cause on the real... all that extra shit doesn't matter unless i do the things that are important to him... and really... the past few days... he hasn't done the things that are important to me... which makes me feel as though i'm not so important to him... and that's ok... but i can't be in a relationship with someone who i'm not important to...
i'm really trying not to jump to conclusion about this... because there's a lot more to it... he didn't have great reception... and he was playing in a tournament (i really sound like i'm making excuses for him... and i am...) but eventually the truth will come out...
it just sucks today... feeling like this... makes me miss being single... i didn't care about stuff like this back then... sometimes i wish i didn't love so hard... and so much...
Nola*
2 comments:
Love is so complicated. I totally agree with you about wanting the other person to reciprocate the things you do! I hate that men are often so different than we are! My pet peeve with them is not continuing the things they start! If you check in three times a day when you are out of town one day, I expect that every day, lol:)
I truly believe that what is done in the dark will come to light. It is my hope that you are overreacting! Let's blame the reception:) Too much negative stuff has been floating around lately on the news, blogs, etc about men/women until I want to hear some positive love stories. I know there are some out there:)
There was no clear evidence that he cheated so if I were in your shoes I wouldn't be so quick to embrace "being cheated on emotions." I understand that you cannot help the way you feel but the benefit of the doubt is in order.
i made the decision to remain faithful... it wasn't a tough one either... because it's not in my heart to do that to the man i'm in love with...
Mad props.
I am on the outside looking in, but I think your feelings will change once you and him both get back to showing one another the importance being missed.
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