my tears dry on there own...

*side bar* Ny and I are official... any i couldn't be happier... *end side bar*

so... my life has always been know to throw me a few curve balls... had a falling out with a good guy friend... and i'm not sure why he's so upset... it's so much more to the situation than he's willing to tell me... but sadly... i think i may have lost a great friend... but no matter what... i'll always be his... even if he can no longer be mine...

i've always seen friendship as a revolving door... (well... in my case it is...) you can walk out... but never think that you can't walk back in... if u were my friend once... you will forever be my friend... i have a big heart... and it gets exercised a lot... with disappointment... betrayal... and loneliness... but u know what... everyday it gets stronger... feel me?

now to the relationship...

he's wonderful... i'm happy... and yet... i'm scared shitless...

not really sure if he really wants to be here... with me... and it's nothing that he's doing... it's just something in my head telling me that... i guess sometimes i don't see myself as enough... or good enough... (yes... i'm insecure... surprise...)

i just wish that i could see myself how everyone else sees me... how God sees me... cause some days when i look in the mirror i just see everything wrong with me... (gosh this blog is depressing... i'm sooo tempted to eat a bowl of frosted flakes... i shall resist... peppermint tea on deck... lol)

but hey... we all get down on ourselves sometimes... we just have to make sure we don't stay there...

cause no matter what... i will always... get up... survive... and go back to bed... ta taaaa!

Nola*

ps... sorry i was all over that place... but as u guys know... that's me... lol