Preferance vs. Discrimination...

so... i had an interesting discussion with a co- worker the other day... she stated that her son doesn't like black woman... the reason being because they're loud... they never have their hair done... and a bunch of other bull... sadly... i have heard this SO many times from people about why black men don't like black women...

in my opinion *sidebar* this is simply how i fee about it... not saying it's right... *end sidebar* most times if you are a black male... that means ur mother is/was black... so for you to say that you don't like black women is disrespectful to the person that carried ur sorry @$$... and obviously you have a problem with you identity as a black man...

now there's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone outside of ur race... i personally prefer to date black men... i love black men... that's my preference... but i see nothing wrong with dating a man of another race... love is love... no matter what sex or race it comes from...

so in closing... black men that openly state that they don't like black women for whatever reason... f@ck you...

tis all...

Nola*

Dear Bullies... Fuck you...

so... i was watching 20/20 this episode of 20/20 the other night... and it really brought back a lot of memories of my middle school days at Mt. Calvary Middle School... where i was bullied by a group of girls... the ring leader being a girl named Tanisha Reid... to this day i have a great deal of hatred towards her... which a lot of it i have had to let go for me in order to move forward in my own life... but watching shit like this just brings me back...

back to when i was afraid to go to school... back to my lunch being stolen on a regular basis... back to being slapped in the face... back to being taunted because i was under developed (btw... most of those girls i went to middle school with are morbidly obese now... just sayin *flips hair and smiles*)... back to when i felt i was absolutely miserable... and constantly had to deal with anxiety and fear...

i was entirely to scared to tell my parents... mainly because they adore me... and if they ever thought i was going through what i was they would have ran up in Mt. Calvary and whooped ever teachers and bullues behind in there and didn't want them being put in jail... i tried to tell staff but they would give a slap on the hand to the kids i was being bullied by... and they would go right back to it... i suffered through this for two years of my life...

i'm just wondering how many children have to take their lives before this bulling will stop... when will these cowards be prosecuted and these schools be held responsible for the well being of the children that attend these school that allow bulling to go on there...

this scares and saddens me... because one day... i want to have children... and if my child would be "bullied to death" or assaulted by a bully... it's gonna be a lot more than words...

Nola*

and on the count of 3... every body run back to your fantasy...

i'm in a relationship... i love him... he loves me... this is where i'm suppose to be...

i wish is was that simple...

some days (not often...) if feels like it's forced... i have a lot of resentment towards him because of shady actions during our dating days... and a few things that have occurred during our relationship (i know... i have to let it go...) ... but we're moving forwards... but some days i just want to give up... and go back to my "fantasy..."

i miss Terrell... he called me on thursday while i was getting a pedicure... "he Tiff babe!!!! i was just checking on you! u didn't return my text... how are you?!" to which i replied... "hey Rell! i'm sorry darling been busy" (i hadn't been busy) "i'm well, how are you?" we had small talk about what had been going on in each others lives... Terrell is graduating from grad school in december... i told him how proud i was of him (he's been in grad school for like 3 years... basically since i've known him...) and let him know that i'm taking him out to dinner to celebrate... then out of the blue... he let me know how much he's always appreciated me... and he's glad that i'm in his life...

i think out of all of the men i've dated... i loved Terrell the most... without judgement... without question... even if he loved me or not... i loved him with everything i had... i loved him as much as he would let me love him... and truth be told... if he would have asked me to wait for him... i would have obliged... but he loved me enough to let me know that a future between him and i would never be certain... and that i should find someone that could give me what i wanted... because he wasn't able to... and he didn't know if he ever would be able to...

you know... i think when you move on from someone... but you still have hopes for what could be... you leave a piece of your heart with them... just so you have something to stand on if you ever come back... and on the real... i have left a small portion of my heart with Rell...

my heart aches when i talk to him... and when i see him i fight back tears... when he hugs me i pull back after a few moments even when he refuses to let go... i don't return text messages right away... and i won't answer his phone calls... i respectfully avoid him...

cause at the end of the day... what could be between Rell and i, is merely a fantasy... and with Ny... what i have is real...

we always want... what we can't have... sheesh...

ugh... this feeling shit is for the birds... i'm outtie...

Nola*

organized randoms... (tellum how u feel tuesday)

on being in love with one person:

• it's complicated as hell... i didn't have to worry about all these weird feeling when i was single...
• i find myself randomly bringing him up in conversations... missing him when he's only been gone from my presence less than 5 minutes... and writing his name over and over again in meetings...
• how the hell is he able to make me upset over stupid shit... one time... i said that PG girls are the prettiest girl in the metro area... he said NOVA girls were... I cursed him out... cried... and had an attitude for 3 days...
• i love having only one man in my life... cause i don't have to lie... or try to figure out who gave me an STD...

on annoying ass co-workers:

• Don... this man smacks food... tries to hold conversations with me when he CLEARLY SEES me eating... and tries to take credit for everything that is done in the world... he once said that he met President Obama and inspired him to run for office... really... i'm not lying...
• Cynthia... this mustache wearing bitch gets on my last damn nerves... this chick constantly looks at everything i wear to work... and then criticises it... bitch... worry more about getting the lip waxed and less about my Pandora Charm bracelet/necklace...
• Trash guy... I don't know u... stop acting like you know me... trying to carry on meaningless conversation is dumb... you're only going to be talking to the back of my head... empty my trash and keep it moving...
• mail guy... refer to trash guy... give me my mail... and keep it moving...
• fat old bitter bitches in my building... i cannot help it that you're office crush has the hots for me... i'm 26... this is my "hey day" yours has passed... get over it...
• guards... please stop randomly stopping my car cause you want to see my legs... it was cute the first 20 times you did it... not it's just making me late for work...

on my parents:

• dad... stop getting mad because i've become just like you... we're assholes... and it take a certain type of person to put up with us...
• mom... thanks for being the certain type of person that puts up with us...
  

on friends:

• Yani and i don't talk as much as we use to... but we're always gonna be best friends... we're at different places in our lives... she's a mom... i'm not... even though it's a small change... it's impacted our relationship... but there nothing that i wouldn't do for her... and vice versa...
• Dee Dee... i would have never thought we would be this close... you're amazing... don't change...
• PJezzy... you're my ATL shorty... and no matter how far you go i'll always be you pretty girl county buddy... stop boning strippers... that's how you get worms...
• Tweezy... ur my messy little hoe face... stop boning girls you pick up at the club... that's how you get herpes... and worms... and their boyfriend who gave them both knocking at ur door at 3:30am... (true story... I was on the phone with him when it happened...)
• Rob... i love u sooo... i'm gonna have to send you a bill because if it wasn't for you i would have drove NyJuan crazy... either that or killed him... lol... i'll fly to Florida anytime and check a bitch for you..

on my blog:

• i blog when i want... and i wanted to blog today... hope you enjoyeddddddddddddddd... lol

Nola*

relationships vs. relationSH!TS

so... most of my girlfriends are settled down like myself... and they are very happy and monogamous in their current relationships... but there is this one woman... who is rounding 30 who is still single... and she loathes her current status...

to be honest... out of all of my girlfriend she is the most attractive... she has a great personality... and has a lot going for her... but she constantly dates the same kind of guys... ball players... club promoters... and party guys... these men are always have tons of women around them... and are in no way shape or form ready to settle down... and she constantly tries to "save" this guys...

why the hell would you want a guy that doesn't want you? i mean... we've all been there before... trying to get a man to do what we want them to do... but i think we've all came to the understanding that if a man wants you... he's show it... and if he doesn't... you know it... (i should trademark that line... lol)

i just really hope she wakes up... and stops trying to convince a man of her worth... and finds someone who can see it without her having to open her mouth and tell them...

Nola*

some days... i just wanna be single...

relationships are a lot of work... you find out something new about a person everyday... and sometimes you find those new things about that person straight out SUCK...

i love him... no question about that... i want to be with him... no question about that either... but loving him so much... and wanting to be with him so much sometimes causes me what i feel at the time is unnecessary pain... cause if i were single... and just dating him i wouldn't feel like this... he would be disposable... cause what he lacks... i would simply and unapologetically find someone else to pick up his slack...

but at this point that's not an option...

the things that hurt... i have to deal with... well at least until the point the pain becomes unhealthy for me... and then i'd have to deal with choosing myself over him... and walk away...

i know it sounds really bad but today is one of those days where the only reason i'm with him is because i love him... cause today... i just don't see that person i feel in love with...

Nola*

funerals, ghetto/country ghetto ass relatives, and hot ass churches...

so... my grandmother passed away... peacefully... to be honest it was the most beautiful transition into death i have ever seen... she simply drifted to sleep... it was around 9:30... and i just got home from the gym... i walked in and saw my dad with this strange look on his face... my mom came downstairs and said she was gone... i then walked downstairs to my room... laid on my bed and began to cry... then all of sudden... I felt this warm feeling from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet... like someone was laying gently on me... it lasted for about 30 seconds... and then went away... in my mind it was her... giving me a hug goodbye... i miss her...

now for the ignorant shit...

we get to the church... Upper Room Baptist Church... and there is NO AC in this church... as we walk in i hear some dude reading this sad ass bible verses... we sit down... it's hot ass hell... and the service starts... the choir (which consisted of 3... yes... 3 old people who couldn't sing...) started singing some sad ass song... that was off key... my cousin Tone got up... gave a beautiful speech about my grandmother... that was short sweet and to the point...

the next thing i know... this lame ass minister gets up and starts preaching about everything in the world other than my grandmother... he starts talking about how tatoo's mean you practice in witch craft... about how you gotta be in a wheelbarrow... and if you have a tattoo your going to hell... (i have three... but if i am going to hell... it won't be for a tattoo... God can come up with a bunch of other reason for me to go there... lol... just kidding... not really...)

*sidenote* my current boyfriend... and my x boyfriend both showed up at the funeral... my family seemed to get a good laugh out of that... smh...*

and of course the repass was hilarious... niggas kept coming up to me telling me how much i've grown... and how i look just like my mother... i didn't even know who they were... i left early... i was in a crappy mood... and i didn't feel like people hugging me tell me it was going to be ok...

i'm glad my Grandma is resting... she deserves it... love you ma'...

Nola*