You know when you're done...

Bestie and  had a long tearful conversation yesterday... she sent me an email that morning on how disappointed she was on how i have been treating our friendship... and while some of the stuff really hurt me to read... i knew she was right... i explained to her why i had been so distant... and why i hadn't even inquired about my Godson... and while there was no real excuse... she excepted it and forgave me for it... that's the thing about real friends... you all can be mad as hell at each other... but when it comes down to it... you all will always be friends...

i started talking to her about my relationship... how things have been going down hill... i explained that he'd been doing some crappy stuff... but he's not a crappy person... it's just the crappy stuff that he does makes him seem like a crappy boyfriend... it's actually to the point where i can't even look at his picture without tears coming to my eyes... so all of his pictures are in draws now... i'm just not sure how we got here... and i'm not sure if it can get better...

she looked at me... and said, "now... i may be giving you the worst advice in the world right now... but if you still want to be with him... stay with him... if he still makes you happy... stay... and when you don't want to be with him anymore... then you leave... only YOU know when you're done..."

and she's right... i remember when i broke up with Drew... it wasn't that he did anything... i just woke up that morning... and was like... i don't want to be with him anymore... i called him that evening... and told him that i wanted to end things... and that was that...

i'm not there with Ny... and i never want to be... but there's only so much tears... there's only so many sleepless nights... days without food... and not acting or feeling like yourself a girl can take...

i think PJ said it best... "I miss my old Tiff... The one before the boyfriend with the cool name..."  *sigh* i miss her too...

Nola*